One Goal Accomplished

One goal accomplished

I finally was able to take a shower at the expense of taking out my back. The temp jumped to 58 degrees and I felt it. Now I am not doing anything. I am going to have to cancel my babysitting duties tonight because I just can’t sit without pain. I feel better, a little bit, emotionally after the shower. I felt like I accomplished something on this dreary day.

I keep thinking about my ex-friend and how she said I had some nerve calling her sick. I said no such thing. I said she needed help and she should get it before she harmed herself. She then proceeded to tell me how bad a person I was. I actually tried to get support from my support group because it got me so upset and one person said I shouldn’t have said that. WTF. I deleted the post. It was getting me no where. So much for a support group. But then, this group is very judgmental. I think I need to find another support group.

I still feel like there is a heaviness on my chest. I am glad I am seeing my psychiatrist next week. She finally got back to me with an appointment. I am going to ask her for some sertraline. I know my mood isn’t so black physically but the mental side, I am fearful of another suicidal depression. My appetite today has been better than it has been all week. The heaviness is what worries me. It always keeps me weighed down and struggling for air. It’s also making feel like bawling.

All I want to eat for supper is a bowl of cereal and we are out of milk. I’d walk to the store and get some but my back will kill me. I should have gone earlier but I was too weighed down with the black dog. Maybe tomorrow I will have my cereal. It’s been almost three weeks that I have been craving it but because my appetite has been so poor, I just couldn’t eat it. Maybe I can borrow some from my sister.

I have been wearing my progressive glasses for most of the week. I have noticed that I am seeing better with them on than wearing the single vision. For the first time ever, I was able to read with them on. It could be that I was reading a tablet and not a book, but I still read. I filled out the doctor’s form for my loans. A doc was supposed to fill it out but because the doc doesn’t know me, I figure I help her out some. I will bring a blank on with me just in case when I see her, if I can’t get what I need from SSD.

I hate it when my thoughts are slow. It’s taken me over two hours to write this blog. I just feel so out of it. I just plan on laying low the rest of the evening and maybe finish a book tonight. That is, if my thoughts cooperate with me. I haven’t felt this way since I was doped up on trilafon in the hospital. It’s awful when your thoughts are moving at a turtle pace.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to One Goal Accomplished

  1. thefeatheredsleep says:

    Pls take care♡

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