New PJs and other things

New PJs and other things

I took a chance on getting a large as they didn’t have an XL in the new pjs I ordered. They fit and that is all that matters. I now have Superman PJs! I feel like a little kid. We didn’t have this stuff growing up so I am soaking it in. I would have bought new Sox jammies but I need to go to the store for it. They don’t sell it or advertise for it online. They will need to shortened because they are too long for me but I am just happy they fit.

I spent the afternoon with my father. He has unexplained neuropathy in his forearm and hand. I know what it’s like. It’s very unsettling and painful. My father doesn’t have a high tolerance for pain so we really don’t know what is going on. He just knows it hurts.

I have a splitting headache. I should have known I was going to get a migraine today because I was very nauseous this morning. I could barely move without the feeling of losing my stomach contents. There were no contents as I haven’t eaten much today. I did have a turkey sandwich that my sister made that she didn’t want. That and Ensure have been the only thing that I have had today. I just am not that hungry and having this migraine isn’t helping.

My sisters and I have been talking about end of life care for my father. It hasn’t been an easy day as we want answers from the doctor but he is remaining elusive. We really haven’t had a sit down with the doc because of his fluid issues and worsening liver problems. And of course, it’s always rush, rush, rush, when we see him. Sometimes I can barely understand him because of his Chinese accent. I hope he calls tonight with something but I don’t think he will. He isn’t the attending doc so “his hands are tied”.

I really didn’t want to see my father. I have been fighting the fatigue of depression for most of the day. All I want to do is sleep. Going out just made me more tired. I didn’t go to Starbucks like I normally would have because of the nausea. I really didn’t want something in my stomach that would come back up. I just wish I wasn’t so fatigued. I was practically falling asleep at the hospital. My father was sleeping until the pain woke him up and then I had to do something. What that something was, I have no fucking clue. All I could do was get the nurse, who of course at the time was with another patient. My father is an impatient man when he is in pain.

I have therapy tomorrow because I forgot to cancel before 1230. Maybe I can get out of Wednesday. I doubt it but I can try. I wrote my therapist a letter that I never got around to finishing. I haven’t decided what I am going to do with it. I might publish it as a password protected blog. I know I have been doing more of that lately. I apologize to my new readers as some stuff I can’t leave open. I am just paranoid the wrong person might read it and I will be in “trouble”.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to New PJs and other things

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    It sounds like you’ve had a busy day. I am sorry the depression is so intense. And that you have to deal with all the stuff going on with your father. I hope the headache goes away soon. XX

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