This post could be long or short. I am just going to write and see what comes of it.
I had therapy for the 3rd time this week. We talked more about my suicidality and the blog (first one) that I wrote yesterday. I didn’t send her the second blog. We talked throughout the session about the blog (called perplexed if you want to catch up and read it later). I also sent the blog to my psychiatrist. I was expecting a response and so far, have no gotten one.
There were no tears in today’s session. It was straight on talking about my feelings in the blog and what to do with my suicidality. I kiddingly said I wanted to cancel next week and she flew into mother hen mode. So, I won’t be doing that again. She kept saying that we have to give “us” a chance. She said it more than once. But every time she said it, I grew silent. I didn’t know what to say.
We talked about the idea of her texting me but I think it would be hard for her as she would have to “plan” it and she didn’t know if it was ethical to do so. Yea, because loving your patient is ethical as well. I had to really sit on that one. I know some therapists do text their patients. I told her I would find some resources about it, but I think it just comes down to the therapist being comfortable to do so. I don’t really see my therapist doing it, though it will shock me if it ever does happen.
I would have gone out today but my sciatica was acting up so after session, I just took a nap. I had a hard time sleeping last night anyways and then I woke up before dawn. It’s not been a good day. We didn’t talk about my sleeping pattern and I forgot which blog post I wrote that in. She got that I was burned out by my pain and the trauma of it.
I need to take a shower tonight. I never had a chance to call the eye doctor for an appointment about my dry eyes. I will try tomorrow. I really don’t want to see him but the drops I am using aren’t helping me. I really just want to sleep right now and screw the shower. I am just really tired.