Post 1952

Post 1952

Not having a good day. Every time I wake up, I am in a lot of pain. My ankle is hurting severely and I only have left my bed to use the bathroom and get something to eat. If I dare move it, it cramps up on me. It’s driving me crazy.

Last night I went to chat and had to restart the laptop because I was having connectivity issues with the internet. In doing so I lost the page which had the CBT number for me to call. I called and left a message today after I used Google to find it again. To my surprise, they called me back today, about two hours later. They asked a bunch of questions and then said that the clinical director would get back in a few days to set up an appointment and such. I could hear back from them by the end of the week.

Our hot water tank is leaking so we have no hot water until it gets fixed or replaced. If I need to shower, I’d have to use my sister’s bathroom on the first floor. Given my current pain issues, that poses a problem as stairs kill me right now. So I will just go without a shower for the next few days. I was able to brush my teeth this morning but it only caused me pain. I might have to take the strong pain pills tonight if this doesn’t let up.

Sox are playing in Baltimore tonight. I will follow them until I pass out again. I am not too interested in the game today. Last night I started reading “Dark Tide”. It’s a book about the molasses flood that occurred in Boston in 1919. This massive molasses tank collapsed and millions of gallons of molasses spilled all over Boston’s North End. Apparently, there were problems in construction and the head business guy that wanted the project done fast never properly tested the tank. They didn’t have OSHA back in those days. It’s pretty interesting and I am liking the book a lot.

I also read a few chapters of Dostoevsky. I am now in the 9th book in Brothers Karamazov. I think there are 12 books total so I am close to being done. I think I have like 30 chapters or so left to read. Some are short and others are long. I can’t wait till I finish. I was hoping to read “Crime and Punishment”, but I think I am going to take a Dostoevsky break. I have been reading him for most of the year. When I started reading earlier this year, I didn’t expect my depression to get so bad nor my father to die in the midst of my depression being so deep.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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