therapy, eye appt and other things

Therapy eye appt and other things

Today is the US election day. I had voted last week so I didn’t have to go near a poll today. I pretty much tried to stay off social media because it was filled with “go vote” or “I voted” followed by selfies with the “I voted” sticker. Who the fuck gives a shit. After the 20th message, I just said I was done, on both Facebook and Twitter. It was difficult because I am on both mediums all the time but I kept myself occupied with trying to sleep and then I had therapy.

I was and am so sleep deprived because I only had about 3.5 hours of sleep consistently last night. I was up till around 0600 because the pain was so damn bad nothing was helping me, not even my trusty Ativan could knock me out. I was so overtired and cranky that I sent messages to both my psychiatrist and therapist saying that I fucking hated them and they sucked for allowing me to live. I didn’t care. It was around 0400 when I sent off these messages. My psychiatrist wanted me to call her to check in, which I did after I took a damn shower when I woke up at 0930 and then made breakfast. She is really worried about me because I never talk like that.

I have no idea what went on in therapy. She said I had the floor but I know I didn’t talk. I just answered questions. She skipped the text message about canceling tomorrow. Not my problem so I got out of it. She wanted to fill it in with a session on Thursday but I wasn’t having it. I am all therapied out. I just want to sleep all day tomorrow, without interruptions by a pesky therapist. After therapy, I tried to nap for 10 minutes before having to catch the bus to the Square so I could get my espresso. I wanted 5 shots today and got it dammit. It helped keep me awake as I had my eye appointment.

I love my eye doctor. I have been seeing him since I was like 18. He is a very cool guy and very caring. I told him I needed an eye exam and to check the growth that was at the corner of my right eye. And also to figure out why my eyelids were so dry. I have some kind of virus thing that is causing the growth and it’s both eyes. The ones on my left eye (7) are small and the one on my right is slightly bigger. It’s a cosmetic thing so there is nothing to be done about it. Not that I care as long as it doesn’t interfere with my vision. The thing with my eyelids is eczema. I have to get a cream to put on it. Just great. I have eczema in my ears and now my eyelids. Fucking lucky me. Two places that make it hard to put stuff on. UGH.

I had to email my doc because I noticed a change in the prescription from the previous one to the one he gave me tonight. I just want to make sure it isn’t a typo when I get my new glasses. I won’t be going to one online. It will be more money to go to an optical place but I don’t care. The ones I bought were good but even my doc said they needed to be adjusted and I never got them adjusted to fit right. Live and learn

I haven’t had anything to eat since this morning and I am too lazy to make something. Actually, I am not really lazy, just too tired. I’d order something but I don’t have cash on me. My choices are either a tuna sandwich or pizza. I am opting for tuna because it’ll be a lot quicker than pizza. Our oven takes at least 20-30 minutes to preheat and then it’s another 25 minutes to cook. I’ll be digesting my tuna sandwich by the time the pizza is done. I don’t know what happened with the celery I bought. It might have gone bad or my mother froze it. She loves to freeze things. I wanted to make pasta with my sauce but making a sandwich will be easier. I will make the pasta tomorrow for lunch.

I better have no problems sleeping tonight or I might get myself admitted. I am going insane with no sleep. Last night was so horrible. I really don’t want another night like that. It’s getting late and I am getting tired. I think I am just going to take my meds and call it a night. Screw eating. My meds will be my meal.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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