cold and busy day

Cold and busy day

I woke up early this morning. I had around six hours of sleep, which is good comparing to what it used to be like so I am not complaining, even though it was early in the morning. I made breakfast and a cup of tea because I would be going to Starbucks later and didn’t want to overload on caffeine.

I wasn’t in pain so didn’t take any pain meds. I tried to rest for 45 mins before I had to get ready. About 40 mins into my resting period, I hear something fall. I thought it was my mother so I raced downstairs to see if she was okay. She was fine. It must have been the snow falling off the roof that made the noise. It scared the crap out of me. Now I was up and got ready to leave.

It was really cold out, like 16 degrees. I forgot to wear a scarf but I had gloves and a heavy jacket so I was warm. I went to Starbucks and had a new latte, forgetting that it was made with milk. I wrote in my journal for about an hour or so and then realized I had to go to Harvard to get my Neil Gaiman book. I left for Harvard and got my book. Walking to the bookstore was not ideal as we had a big storm yesterday. I was careful though. I then made my way to my psych’s office. The trains were out of whack because of the weather so I made it with a half hour to spare. I should have went to my PCP’s office while waiting to get my script but I didn’t remember until it was time for my appointment. My doc was running late.

We had a good appointment. I made my pumpkin cake and brought her a piece. I asked her if I needed to be in the hospital and she said the decision was up to me. She didn’t feel I had to be in the hospital right away but she uses my judgement to gauge whether I need to or not. I told her I would think about it over the weekend and let her know Monday. There is supposed to be more snow on Monday so I need to act fast if I go in. I don’t know when it’s going to start so I need to leave early in the morning if I go in or I could be stuck and have to wait till Tuesday. She asked about my therapy plans and I told her after my hospitalization, I would make calls. I told her I already emailed the therapist that my friend gave me, but haven’t heard back from her yet. She might not be in the office till Monday so I will give her until then before I call.

I went to my PCP’s office to pick up my script and went home. About the end of the block, my ankle explodes. Then I reach my house and start feeling dizzy. I’m going through withdrawal from my pain meds because it’s been more than 12 hours since I last took them. I am also hungry because the last thing I ate was the pumpkin cake around 9 am. It was now around 3 pm. I went up to my room and almost fell while undressing to my PJs. I immediately took my pain meds while I was holding on for dear life in pieces. It was tricky but I was able to take the meds. Not even a half hour, I start to feel a little better but I am still fearful of the stairs so of course my bladder says it has to go. You can wait bladder. I wait a few more minutes then my bowels join in. WTF, seriously? The latte is hitting me and I know I have to go. So I carefully go down the stairs and make it without falling. I do my business and go back up to my room. You would have thought I walked the world, my ankle goes berserk on me. I am really hungry now but I don’t see myself going up and down stairs for the delivery guy. So I just eat a protein bar. I will order food if my ankle calms down. Or maybe just eat some more cake. I haven’t decided yet…

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to cold and busy day

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    i hope you started to feel better. the pain sounds like its a nightmare. I cant imagine it. I am just sorry your in so much physical pain as well as emotional pain. xxx

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