very early morning ramble

Very early morning ramble

I woke up around 0230 because I had to pee and now I am find it difficult to go back to sleep. So I thought I would write for a bit as that usually calms me down. I was having a weird dream about working in the lab before I woke up. Something to do with pipettes and not finding the right ones. It made sense in the dream. Now it doesn’t. I do miss being in the lab. It was a stressful job but an important one that I took seriously. Most importantly, I miss my coworkers, even though they drove me nuts some nights. And because I was considered a “senior”, I got to deal with the problems in the shift. Usually that meant the 2300 call from a sample at 2000 that was mismatched and had to be deleted. Hated getting those calls. I never left work at the time I was supposed to because I was off chasing down samples and filling out paperwork.

I’m kind of hungry as I didn’t really eat much yesterday. But it’s too early to make anything. I still have one pancake left over from the other day. I might have that later. Just pop it in the toaster to heat it up. I don’t like putting pancakes in the microwave because I think they come out rubbery and then they turn hard when they get cold again. My next grocery order, I need to order more oatmeal as my mother has used it. She likes making oatmeal, plain. I have to have fruit or something in it to eat it. I like making oatmeal pancakes because they are hearty and fill me up. If I am really in the mood, I will make oatmeal cookies. But that hasn’t happened in a while. I love cookies but I don’t like making them. It’s a pain to clean up afterwards.

I’m going to need coffee when I get up later. I am going to make my Pike coffee. I am running low on my Casi Ceilo and they don’t seem to be selling it anymore. I meant to buy another bag but I never did. I still need to try the Guatemalan coffee they have out right now. I keep saying I am going to try and it and then I just order my espresso. If I go out today, I will order it. I won’t know if I like it if I never try it.

My ankle is minimal right now. I took some pain meds to keep it that way. Last night, I had to take a strong pain pill to quiet it down. I was just in so much pain that it hurt just to look at my foot. It’s better now but I don’t want it to start acting up again when I lie down again. That would not be good. Ativan is working so I think I will go back to sleep. Wish me luck.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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