Fatigued ankle

Fatigued ankle

I did way too much yesterday that my ankle is still fatigued. I still taxed it today by going out as I had to get a few things at Walgreens. My mother needed some stuff there as well, though they were out of two of the things she needed. Always happens when things are on sale.

I came home and paged my psychiatrist as she wanted me to call her today. She still hasn’t returned the page. I guess she is busy. She will call when she can. I am in no rush to talk to her. I then made breakfast which my ankle didn’t like. I didn’t make lunch. I ordered from my favorite sub place because I wanted roast beef. It was good but I couldn’t finish the whole thing. I will have it for tomorrow.

My mother’s back is hurting her pretty bad so I wanted to make her dinner. She said she is going to have what she made last night. I said okay. Then my ankle started to spasm. I’m no longer cooking dinner and will be ordering Chinese food. I just can’t stand for too long to make the pasta that I want. Fucking sucks. I had to take an Ativan to calm the spasms. I probably will take a nap.

My mood has been rock bottom all day. My ankle feeling fatigued is the worst because there is nothing I can do for it except rest it. It’s not painful (aside from the spasms) but it’s letting me know it’s there, which is annoying the crap out of me. Yes, I know I have two ankles but one likes to say hello more often then the other one does. It’s so frustrating. I hope this fatigue is better by tomorrow because I need to see my psych. I also need to go to my former work place to get my stuff that was in my locker. The manager cleaned it out and is asking if I want my things. I have no idea what is in there as I haven’t touched it in 5 years. Hard to believe I have been out of work for that length of time.

I’m seriously thinking of buying a chainsaw on Amazon and getting it shipped the next day so I can chop my foot off. I am so sick of it hurting so much and causing me grief. Maybe if I am an amputee I can work again or go back to school or something. Now my foot is burning. WTF. If I need to take Neurontin (which I probably will), I will be toast the rest of the afternoon/evening.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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