Feeling out of sorts

Feeling out of sorts

I didn’t sleep well last night, despite being really tired. I woke up a few times during the night that messed up my sleep. When I woke up at 0530, I was in pain so took some pain meds. Luckily, I went back to sleep for a few hours. I heard my mother get up and turn on the tea kettle. I decided to make a cup of tea as I will be having my espresso this afternoon.

The new therapist got back to me yesterday and I have an appointment with him this afternoon. I am kind of nervous. I just want to clarify some things with him before I fully decide to stay with him.

I ordered some groceries and they will be delivered in a few hours. I really want to go back to sleep but I don’t want to be sleeping all day. I was hoping the tea would wake me up some but it didn’t. I just feel really groggy. It’s warm in my room but there are supposed to be storms this afternoon so I don’t want to open the window. It’s nice right now, a little over 60 degrees out. I will be wearing shorts today when I go out. I hope the groceries comes before 1300. I really would like to get out and get coffee to try and wake up. I feel like shit right now.

I took a shower last night because I was sweating so much. It was so warm yesterday and it got humid out. I hate humidity. The shower was good. I ended up having to take another strong pain med afterwards because my ankle was really sore afterwards. I then was groggy and fell asleep earlier than I usually do. I was just so tired.

My groceries came sooner than I thought and I put everything away. I had some lunch and will be leaving soon to catch the 1300 bus. I figure that will give me time to have my espresso and read a little bit while at Starbucks. I want to take a nap but I don’t think that will be a good idea.

I went to Starbucks and wrote until it was time to catch the train. By then it had started to rain and I was cursing because I did my hair. Luckily it wasn’t downpours so I didn’t get too wet. I met with the therapist and discussed my concerns. He seems okay with my suicidality but then, I am not in crisis so we’ll see how that goes. We are just getting to know one another. I told him my life history again, with a little more detail about my childhood and how I grew up with my father. I haven’t delved into more than physical and emotional abuse at this point. All in good time, I guess. The hour went by pretty fast.

I again missed the bus so had to wait twenty minutes for the next one. As I was waiting, a girl who looked to be around my niece’s age sat next to me and man did her hair smell, like it hadn’t been washed in some time. I had to get away from her because it was making me sick. On the way home, I stopped at Walgreens to pick up eggs for my mother. Now I am home and my ankle is hurting me so bad. I hope that I can sleep tonight. I still have to make a burger for dinner. It’s my last one. Tomorrow, I plan on making the ribs I bought. I just haven’t decided if I am going to have them for lunch or dinner.

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