Nice day and better mood

Nice day and better mood

Yesterday I was swimming in despair and today I felt like I was on top of the world. It’s like night and day. Unreal. I hope my mood stays up. I really don’t want another low low. I went out twice today. I went to the post office and was dressed to warmly. I came home and changed to shorts and then caught the next bus to the square. I had a caramel macchiato and a java chip frap. I was going to work on my blog project but my mind was all over the place. I mostly just wrote in my journal.

It’s a BAD thing to have the Amazon app on my phone. Last night I had a hard time sleeping despite being drowsy around 2130. Around 0300 I am buying pens. I must have bought seven different kinds of pens, all the same ink, all the same brand but different points. I wanted to replace the Jetstream sport pen that I bought but I couldn’t find it. I have only 2 pens left in the box. I write a lot with them. I try alternating my pens so that each has their fair share of writing but I have favorites so I might use one pen style more than the other. I really like the sport. I am going to have to Google it to find it.

After Starbucks, I went to the butcher’s shop to buy some burgers and fish. My mother wanted fish for tomorrow so I got it. She might not be happy with the price but I don’t care. It’s been a while since I had cod and I want it. It’s my money anyway. I paid like eight bucks for it so it wasn’t that expensive.

I wanted to have ribs today but I just couldn’t bring myself to make it. I had a frozen dinner instead. I had bought two packages of ribs because they were on sale. I’ll probably make it tomorrow. I bought the burgers for the weekend. Maybe I can bribe my nephew over and we can watch the game while eating them.

I feel like a shitbag because I haven’t finished my blog project. I haven’t touched it in over a week now. I don’t know what my problem is. It’s not that difficult but I just can’t find the motivation to read and take notes. I guess when you have these self made projects with no one giving you a deadline or pushing you but you it’s hard to do. I am going to try tomorrow but I am not sure. It’s supposed to be 70 degrees tomorrow and I want to go to my spot to see if I can walk there and back. I have to call my psychiatrist tomorrow afternoon for a check in. Hope my mood stays up so I can do things.

Last night as I was feeling kind of low, I decided to buy the complete series of Star Trek: the Next Generation. I think it will do me good to watch the show again. I really miss the distraction it provides. I just hope I don’t dissociate or the voices become out of control. That was one of the reasons why I had to stop watching the show, it made me psychotic and delusional. But it’s been years since I have watched it so I am hoping nothing will happen again. It might just feel like coming home. I miss the show so much. It was the first show where I knew all the actors and actresses by name and character. I had a crew picture on my wall in my bedroom as a teen when the show first came out. I also read the books. I had a pretty good collection going, my favorite authors being Peter David and Michael Jan Friedman. The other authors weren’t as good and were hard to read or were just plain boring. I actually had the pleasure of meeting Peter David at a con in Boston some years ago. He is pretty funny.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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