Random 538

Random 538

My pain levels were back to “normal” this morning when I woke up so I emailed my psychiatrist to tell her I would be seeing her. It was too early to get ready so I went back to sleep, which was a mistake as when I woke up a couple hours later, I didn’t want to leave my bed. It took all I had to get up, wash up, brush my teeth, and fix my hair. It was really hot out so I didn’t want to wear a hat.

I looked for my keys yet again and still cannot find them. They have been missing for a week. I have been using a spare key that I have in my wallet to get into my house. I am glad we only use one door.

I went to Starbucks after I got my things together. The bus was on time and I was grateful as the sun was beating down at the bus stop. Then at one of the stops two ladies with huge strollers came on. They piss me off because they make passengers leave their seats so the strollers can be accommodated. This is not the first time they have done this. The bus driver doesn’t say anything to them and I just sit their while they talk loudly in their language, ignoring their children as they try to get their mother’s attention. I hate parents that do that!

I got off the bus before they did and went to Starbucks. I got a sandwich and my espresso. By the time I was done, there wasn’t much time for writing. I wrote for a few minutes and then left for my psych appointment. My psych was late, which is typical for her. I told her about the flare up I had last night was caused by taking a shower. She then told me about a neurologist that specializes in CRPS (Complex Region Pain Syndrome). She just found out about her yesterday. I called when I got home but had to leave a message because no one picked up. I also told her about how suicidal I have been and how tired I am of being in pain. She understands and doesn’t want me to kill myself, though I had a feeling if I did, she would understand. She wants me to join the pain group that she told me about months ago. I said I would call the coordinator. I really don’t want to go to this group. I have to think about it some more.

I didn’t tell my psych about my plans. I want to give this neurologist a try though I am doubtful that she will be helpful. I told her I would be in touch and I see her in two weeks.

I went back to the Square to go home but stopped at the butcher’s shop for burgers and rolls. I have been craving a burger. I think it’s because of the hot weather. But I love burgers, too. I made the bus home and then on a whim, I checked Walgreens to see if someone had turned in a set of keys. There was a set but it wasn’t mine. I am convinced my house ate them. I know I had them because I wouldn’t have been able to get into the house last Friday. Just bugs me!

My ankles started acting up on the walk home from Walgreens, my left more than my right. I still need to make my burger but I wanted to write my blog first. I want to cool off in the AC, too. I am hoping I don’t need a strong pain pill tonight. I haven’t moved my bowels all week, since Monday or Tuesday. I’m going to have to take some fiber pills to get things going. I’m not going out this weekend so I can be home for crapping. Fun times ahead!

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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