Sunday Blog 30

Sunday Blog 30

I’ve had a decent day despite waking up in pain. I honestly didn’t know if I would be able to see my aunt later in the afternoon because the pain turned to spasms. Meds knocked me out for the rest of the morning. I woke up around noon and made coffee.

After coffee, I got dressed and met my sister. I couldn’t get a hold of my middle sister so she didn’t come with us. We had a good visit with my cousins and aunt. She has dementia due to Parkinson’s disease. It was hard because one minute she knew who I was and the next she didn’t. She asked the same questions multiple times and asked who I was. In one minute she could speak clearly and the next it was all mumbles. It was pretty sad and when my cousin was explaining her condition to me, I thought she was going to cry. After the visit, I wanted to cry. It’s so hard seeing her this way and I know it’s taking a toll on my cousins (her son and wife). My cousin said she will be going to day care starting tomorrow. I hope it works for her, just to get her out of the house for a few hours and socialize.

I’m glad that I shaved my goatee off because my aunt flipped out over my haircut. She would like the hair on my chin. I was debating it but in the end I decided to cut it off. It was getting a little unruly anyway so just as well. I will grow it again.

One of the groups that I joined on Facebook just shared an article about two men that have CRPS. They have my symptoms down to a T and experience what I do every day. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest because I no longer feel alone. Most of the people in the FB group have color changes in their ankle/foot and I don’t, so I just thought I didn’t have the pain syndrome but some variant of it. But when they were describing it, it was what I experience nearly every single day. I am going to contact them and see if I can find local support or at least be friends with them. I haven’t connected with anyone on the Facebook group. There are a lot of women and they just seem to post their pics of the color changes or massive swelling. I don’t have severe swelling but the pain is unreal.

I am wicked tired from my visit. It was just emotionally exhausting. I can’t imagine how it is for my cousins on a daily basis. It’s so hard. My sister went food shopping afterwards and that always makes me tired. My mother needed eggs because they were on sale. I hate shopping for anything. But it was better that we split up because my mother also wanted American cheese, which meant spending some time at the deli. Boring.

Pain has come back so I took my meds as it’s been hours since my last dose. I am glad that I filled my med box before leaving. I really don’t want to stand up unless I have to. I still have no idea what I am going to have for supper. Only thing that I have eaten today was two cookies and a little piece of tiramisu. I didn’t like the tiramisu very much as it was mostly just cream. I feel like ordering Chinese again. I might because I am hungry and my mother had the last of it today so I don’t have leftovers.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Sunday Blog 30

  1. G. Collerone says:

    Thank you. I contacted one of the men and we became friends on Facebook but haven’t had any interactions. I don’t see him post often so he might not be on all the time.

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope you get to connect with those two people who have the CRPS I think that would be good for you. You know I’m always here supporting you. sending hugs to you of course as well xoxoxo ❤

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