up early

Up early

My day started around 530 because I had to use the bathroom. Little did I know it would turn out to be colon blow day. I must have gone to the bathroom three times already. I think I am done as usually three is the magic number of finishing emptying my bowels. I had coffee afterwards. I still have to brush my teeth. I didn’t do this yesterday. I meant to but never got around to it. I should shower today.

I am planning on going to the square as I have a few errands that need to be done. I want to get my lemonade flavor Gatorade at the store there. It seems to be the only place that sells it. I will also get some meat and chicken. My mother wants chicken wings so I will get a package as long as it isn’t too expensive. Last time it was like 15 bucks for a package. Ridiculous.

I went to BJ’s for food shopping. I used the rest of my food stamps for all the stuff I bought. My sister had to put in $25 more. I bought chicken wings, breast, fish, tuna fish, steak, and then little stuff for quick meals. I also bought my favorite ice cream. We didn’t go to the square so I did when we dropped the stuff off at the house. I took the bus and then I got a macchiato at Starbucks as well as a sandwich.

I am so tired. My back hurts. I just took a BT med and some Tylenol. My calf started cramping up when I was going up the hill to my house. I had just gone to the pharmacy to get my meds and the hill was too much. I was only three houses away from my house, too. Seems I did too much as my leg/ankle/foot just flared up on me. I am in so much pain. I spent $127 on food and I just want to eat ice cream for dinner. I think my mother is making supper. If not I am not eating. I am in too much pain to make something.

I haven’t heard back from my uro. I sent a message the day I got results of my urine culture. It still hurts when I pee. Today I had colon blow. My bowels just erupted. Luckily I had no accidents. I haven’t cathed today. I have been having good urges so been voiding on my own.

My sister made the fish I bought. It was good. I am going to have ice cream later once my pain is lower. It really flared up when I went downstairs and sat in a chair. I had to take an Ativan because my right calf and left foot cramped up at the same time. OMG was it painful! I am depressed that I am in so much pain. I am having suicidal thoughts but that is all that I am having. I sent my therapist a message that hopefully she will read before our appointment. I asked her if there was something that could alter the path of SI àplanning date as my thoughts sometimes have been going that way the last few times my pain has been bad. I just got a workbook by Kathryn Gordon PhD on suicidal thoughts workbook. It will take me a week to work through it to see if it will help me. I really, really need to make the time to go to Starbucks with my bag and journal and this book to read it until closing time. I will write a review blog when I finish it.

any thoughts?

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