Category: CRPS

All day cooking

by Midnight Demon, posted in CRPS, depression

Yesterday, I bought the ingredients for the chicken broccoli casserole. I wanted to try it again and see if I could reduce the time. Nope. Still took me more than a few hours. I started around 1pm and it was done around 6pm. It is worth it. I’ll be bringing my barber some tomorrow when I pick up my meds. I am donating blood so will probably drop it off before I enter the train station. He is like two doors up from the station. I love that his shop is so convenient.

I brought down some of the casserole to my sister’s as she didn’t have any the last time I made it. Her friend was over so they had some as well.

I didn’t shave like I wanted to. I was exhausted doing the steps of making this dish. It’s a lot of work. Making the chili cornbread casserole was easier. I will try and shave tomorrow before heading out. My cousin invited us over and I said I would go but I might be tired after donating blood. I will have at least 3 hours before I have to be at their house. Even with public transportation, it won’t take me that long to get there. I just forget the bus that goes by. I think it is the 117 but I’m not sure.

I had another rough night trying to sleep. I slept for a few hours and then I was up until 6 or 7 this morning. I slept for a few more hours before getting up around 10-1030. I brushed my teeth. I forgot to yesterday. I really need to see a good dentist because my teeth are really starting to hurt, especially where the teeth are broken. I think I am going to email my former dentist and see if we can work out a payment plan of some kind. Not sure how I will get there as it is a long walk by public transportation. And I would have to cross a huge expressway. They have crosswalks but drivers like to run the lights so it can be dangerous.

Because I had been up and down on my feet all afternoon, my ankle is flared up. I washed the pots and pans as well as load the dishwasher. I should be able to sleep as long as my ankle pain doesn’t get worse. I never know how it will be anymore. It is totally unpredictable. Nature of CRPS.

Pic/meme

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression, disability

I got my haircut today. I’ve been up since 4am. I had a hard time sleeping. Then I just decided to stay up. I asked my psychiatrist about increasing the mirtazepine and he agreed. I’ll put the increase in tomorrow’s box when I do the meds for the week.

My ankle still hurts but not as bad as last night. I am tired. I made the steak for dinner. I cooked it too much. It was a thick piece and well I am still learning. It’s not often I make steak. If it wasn’t raining I would have grilled it. My knees have been aching most of the day. It is cool but the rain is making things muggy.

I read a chapter in the Critical Suicidology book and wrote a message to my therapist. Problem was it was too long for the stupid web message so I had to take a pic of it and send it. I don’t know if it will be readable. I have the document saved in case she wants to read it for Monday’s appt.

I miss my mother. I’ve been wanting to call her the past couple of hours. It has been tough. I never thought I would miss her phone calls asking what I was doing or where I was. I came straight home after seeing my barber. I had no plans today. I might go south of Boston tomorrow to visit my cousin. It’s been a long time since we last saw each other. I hope I don’t get a migraine because of the rain. I told my cousin it will depend on how I feel. I am glad they are understanding. I hate canceling at last minute because I don’t feel well. But that is life with chronic illness.

Got no gas so here is a giraffe pic

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression
Giraffe winking

I got no brain cells today as I was up most of the night. I just couldn’t sleep. Ankle was hurting most of the night and most of today. Stupid crps. Gonna have a cup of coffee soon so I can listen to the game tonight. Not planning on sleeping so I’ll probably be tired 🤪

Euphoria hit me today

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, CRPS, depression, transgender

Just got my haircut. Little boy on the bus was staring at me and I was wondering if he was thinking I was a boy or girl and had to stop myself. I am a boy and I nearly wept as my chest was throbbing. The euphoria was finally hitting me. I wondered if I would ever feel it since my mother’s death. I looked at my photo I took and posted on an FTM support groups. A member said they see a grown man, complete with a male hairline. I am losing my hair and the pic kind of looks like a comb over that my sister pointed out. I don’t care. I still think I look good. I have issues with my body. My stomach is giving me such dysphoria since the binders have been off. I haven’t gained weight but I haven’t lost any either, which is frustrating. I have been cutting calories to no effect. I know I haven’t been active either but it’s a slippery slope with my foot. Any big active days such as walking more than 5 blocks hurts me. My limit is 0.4 miles, anything more than that and I am in pain.

Today has been a rough day due to headaches. I woke up a couple times after dreaming with them. I told my psychiatris about it and he doesn’t have answers. I need to see a neurologist. I had one. I need to call to see if I still do. I had a skipped appt with her back when I was catatonic so don’t know if they kicked me out because of it. It has been thundering and downpouring the past couple of hours so my head hurts. Not sure if it is a migraine or not. I need a nap. I am tired.

My internet was not connecting well today so m psychiatrist called me. We talked about meds. He wants to play with my Latuda and I told him we could but I could become psychotic again with a lower dose or stopping it. He wants to bring the Effexor dose up but until I have my neuro appt, he is holding off.

Gonna stop here. My head is hurting too much.