Tag: baking

Cooking and Baking Pumpkin Goodies and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide

Cooking and Baking Pumpkin Goodies and other things

One thing I love about Facebook is that people share recipes of all kinds. I have found some really good pumpkin recipes over the last two years. One is a “Better than Sex Pumpkin Cake”. The first time I had it, I must have eaten half of it and made myself sick. I couldn’t eat anything pumpkin for a while. It was so damn good, I couldn’t stop myself, even without the cool whip on top. I was going through my “memory” thing and I found this recipe again and have decided to make it again next weekend when I have all the ingredients. You are supposed to put like caramel sauce and Heath bar bits in it but I found it scrumptious without that stuff. Just having the sweetened condensed milk on top was sweet enough.

I also am going to make my pumpkin cupcakes again. This time I will share them with my therapist so they don’t go to waste. I am the only pumpkin eater, so to speak, in my house and I can’t eat all of them. My brother in law likes pumpkin too but he doesn’t like sweets so he’ll have just one or two and that will leave me with the rest of the batch.

I also will be buying some pie crusts so I can make pumpkin pie. This time I will remember to put sugar in it! My first time making it, I forgot. It didn’t taste that great. I thought the condensed milk would be sweet enough but I was wrong. Live and learn!

I really love baking more than I like cooking, but I hate clean up. If I didn’t have to clean up after I baked or cooked something, I probably would do it more. I guess it’s good that my mother cooks dinner because otherwise, I don’t think I would eat supper. I probably would stick with the basics of a sandwich of some kind or hot dogs.

Hot water heater update: I found out that my brother in law is waiting for a part to come in and that is why we still have no hot water. Why the hell he just didn’t go to Home Depot to get this part is beyond me. I really need to take a shower as it’s been almost a week since I last took one. I feel disgusting. Doesn’t help that it’s muggy out so when I leave my room, I sweat. I plan on trying to take a shower tomorrow morning at my sister’s. I will take my cell with me just in case something happens. I really want to go out tomorrow. I am craving espresso with soy milk, and a burrito. Thursday, I am to meet up with a friend for coffee at Starbucks. I really can’t wait. I haven’t seen her since a few weeks after my father died. Her husband had died maybe a month or so before my father so both had suffered losses. We really tried to stay upbeat and we laughed more than we cried. She is a good friend.

Friday I see my psychiatrist. It’s wicked late in the afternoon. It was the only time she had available so I took it. I haven’t really emailed her since telling her about the CBT intake calling me back. I know she might ask me what my date is. I had emailed her the blog posts concerning it. I haven’t even let my therapist know what the date is. It is soon and I am not taking it off until I know the CBT is on or not. It’s my last chance of dealing with the pain. I just hope there isn’t a shit load of paperwork involved but there might be. I might have to grin and bear it. It’s going to be a tough thing to do because I hate the mentality of “if you don’t do this, you aren’t going to get better” attitude.

Oatmeal Day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

I felt like making oatmeal cookies and made them today. Next time I am using parchment paper so I don’t struggle with getting the cookies off the pan. Man were they a pain in the ass to get off. Then my mother wanted me to make a cake for her. I was really tired by that point so came up with excuses. I still feel like I should nap but I ate a lot of dough and cookies so my stomach is not happy with me right now. I think if I laid down, I’d throw up.

Other than making cookies, I really didn’t do anything today. I didn’t even make coffee. I just wasn’t in the mood. I did make pancakes this morning. They were oatmeal pancakes. Today is just an oatmeal day. I did too much as my leg and ankle are thanking me by hurting really bad. No matter I have the rest of the night to relax. I do have to take a shower sometime before bed. I knew I was going to be hurting as the last time I made cookies, I hurt really bad afterwards. There is no balance. I even washed all the baking ware, which added to my grief. But I couldn’t leave it for my mother because she would have a fit.

I have a crap load of Bones episodes to watch. That started my leg hurting. I just can’t sit in a normal chair. Gravity just causes my ankle to hurt, or something to that effect. It really causes my leg and ankle to swell. I will try and watch one more episode of Bones tonight but I am not sure it will happen. I am really tired from baking. I also still have the Sons of Liberty series to watch. It looks very interesting. I was able to watch the first one, which was two hours long. I love the revolutionary stuff. My TiVo is almost at full capacity so I really need to watch my shows. Otherwise, nothing new is going to record.

I feel really depressed. Making the cookies were a distraction for my sadness for a little while. Today, my cousin is having his huge reception for his wedding. I wish I could be down in DC to see it but I just don’t have the funds to be down there. He had an informal ceremony in December and now is having a big get together. I have visited him before. He has a gorgeous house. He will be moving down to Texas in June. I told him I would save up the money to visit him then. He has a swimming pool so it will be nice. I guess that is part of the reason I am so depressed. I can’t be with his gay friends. I wish I had more gay friends, or at least friends that were in the same state as I am in.

I’m also depressed because my Sox are losing terribly. Both their pitching and hitting sucks. They have lost their last I don’t know how many games. Their only win this week was on the fifth, when I had a shot of Patron to celebrate. I have been scrolling the Twitter feed. Seems they are going to make some roster changes. I do hope that it happens. Something needs to happen or they are going to have another sucky year. I don’t think the manager will still be the manager come October if that happens. I really like the manager but he has to do something to get more wins from his team. I also hate that the game was in the afternoon. Now I have nothing to look forward to in the evening. It is going to be a long night. Tomorrow’s game is also in the afternoon. Guess I will be reading more of Dostoevsky.