Tag: chronic physical pain

Saturday Blog 44

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 44

Spent the morning getting my father settled back home. He was discharged today from the hospital. I am sure tomorrow I will be getting a phone call from the visiting nurse to go over everything, again. He is resting now.

I got home and was very hungry. I had a muffin for breakfast with some almond milk. I hadn’t eaten anything else. My damn mother kept on asking me questions and I had to repeat the answers twice because she didn’t hear me the first fucking time. When she asked me her final question, I screamed the answer so now she thinks something is bothering me. Yea, you being deaf!! I feel like Jacob two-two every time I talk to her. It’s just so annoying having to repeat yourself every time I talk to her. I just wasn’t having it today. I was tired and hungry and she was preventing me from making a damn sandwich because I kept having to repeat myself.

I plan on having some ice cream later. I just hope it’s not soup because the freezer is breaking down. My mother still hasn’t bought a fridge yet. I wish she would just order it online but she is so damn stubborn. She has to see it with her eyes and physically touch it to buy the thing.

I am exhausted. I didn’t sleep very well, again, last night. Probably another reason why my temper is short. My back is cramping again. I think I got to restart taking magnesium supplements. I was doing good with taking them but stopped because the cramps went away. Now they are back.

I filled my pill box for the week. Now I don’t have to play hodgepodge. I don’t know what kind of state I will be in tomorrow so decided to do it today. I plan on taking some Neurontin so I can zone out. Nerve pain is being a bitch. Of course, the weather is wrecking havoc on me because it’s fucking cold today and then will be close to 60 degrees tomorrow. A 30 degree difference. My back and ankle just can’t handle that kind of change in one day.

My psychiatrist got back to me last night. She says she hears me about all that I have been going through. She didn’t seem concerned that I wasn’t eating and losing weight. But then, I am on the heavy side so it’s good that I am losing. I just hope I can keep the weight off when the depression disappears and my appetite returns.

Amazon is so weird. I can order stuff that is free shipping and it will take a week to get to me. Other times, I place the order and it’s delivered within a few days. I don’t get their shipping times. But tomorrow, I should be having my new books. I am such a bibliophilic. I still have three books on Kindle that I need to read. Actually, I have more than three that I need to read. I just bought two more Lawrence Block books because they were a steal. Can’t go wrong with either $3 or free. I got his latest book that he has been talking about the past two months. I am so glad I have his blog to keep me up-to-date on his writing ventures. I have so many books to read but unfortunately, I don’t have the inclination to read sometimes so they just sit on my bed for a while before I pick them up again. The latest book I am reading is “Common Struggle”. So far it reads like a speech more than a book. But then, it is written by a politician. I don’t think I am going to get back to Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I am only on the third chapter and haven’t touched it since everything that has been going on with my father.

I have been listening to music more and that has been my zoning out because I listen to the lyrics more than have it as background noise. I think I am losing my touch to multi-tasking. But then, I am disabled so what do I have to multi-task about?

Long Day 2

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I had a very long day. I spent the early afternoon at Starbucks, where I wrote in my journal for a couple of hours. I then went to the hospital to see my father. They wanted to discharge him tonight but I convinced them to keep them one more night, just to be on the safe side as he lives alone. Then my sister took us out for dinner and drinks. I had a margarita that was not a good one. The stuff in the pre-made bottle was better than the one I had. It was such a waste of money.

All day today there were suicide prevention conferences that I was retweeting the tweets from. It was good information that I thought I would pass along. I have another book that I want to get but it doesn’t matter. I probably won’t ever be a clinician like I hope to be one day.

As I was visiting my father, the nurse for the patient in the next bed had to redraw the patient because “the lab lost the previous bloods”. A million scenarios went through my head as to why this happened. First off, it was only 2 hours old so the lab probably didn’t get it yet, the nurse put the wrong labels on the patient, misidentifying him, or the labs were there but haven’t been logged in yet. I had to hear how she “gave the lab a piece of her mind”. I so wanted to say something but the nurses on this floor are so stupid when it comes to lab work. Hell, she couldn’t even explain why the guy had a GI bleed so I knew she wasn’t the smartest apple in the crowd. What I would have given to say to her what I was thinking. I will never know the truth of what happened with those bloods.

I emailed my psychiatrist about everything that went on with me this week. I told her I haven’t been eating and have lost weight. I just have zero appetite and then when I do eat, I can’t finish what I made. Tonight my sister took us to my favorite wing place. Usually I can finish the wings. There are like eight pieces. I must have eaten five before I was full. I barely touched the rice it came with. It was the only thing I had to eat today. I also told her about the syncope episode I had the other day. I know it’s probably due to me not eating regularly. I mentioned that I haven’t been taking my meds either, consistently this week because I am too tired at night to count out 12 pills, that because of my father’s hospitalization, I couldn’t fill my pill box Sunday. I hope she doesn’t reprimand me. I am too depressed for it to go well.

I feel like I lost a week because I have been back and forth to the hospital and doing things for my father. It’s just been a long week. I haven’t done any writing and I am sad because of this.

Stomach aches and other things

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

Stomach aches and other things

I had a two hour nap. The only thing I had to eat today was a burger. It was really good but now, eight hours later, my stomach is doing flip flops. I just took some Alka-Seltzer and that seems to be helping. I haven’t eaten anything else today, I just wasn’t hungry. And there is no way I am eating anything right now the way my stomach feels.

It seems that no matter what, I always seem to be in pain of some sort these days. It’s really making me exhausted. I read the instructions of the new nasal spray that I was given. You can take two squirts a day so I just took another dose to see if it helps my head. So far, I am breathing out of both nostrils. Hope that stays the same. I just am curious why I have to have a different ailment every day. Yesterday was vertigo shit and today a sour stomach. I am so tired of dealing with things other than my ankle/foot problem. My ankle/foot I know what to do to relieve the pain and suffering for the most part. The other stuff, it just takes some time and hydration to get my equilibrium back. I’m lucky I had Alka-Seltzer as I am out of tums and Mylanta. I would have preferred Mylanta or the Walgreens version of it. Maybe I will grab a bottle when I go tomorrow.

My psychiatrist must have read her email because when I woke up there was a message from Walgreens saying my prescription was ready. I’ll get it tomorrow. The pharmacy is closed now anyways. Besides, I don’t think going out with my sour stomach would be a good idea.

I didn’t call my father but I did check up on him via his nurse. He is doing better. The bastard is still out of sorts and gave my sister a hard time when she called him. I know better than to call him. I will go by tomorrow. I think he might be discharged on Monday if all goes well.

I hate this stomach feeling that I have. I really want to go back to sleep. I took my meds and now I just want to sleep. My stomach is not helping matters. I really don’t want to puke because then I won’t be able to see my father (I know a pity). I don’t want to pass whatever I have along to him. I really hope this is just an upset stomach and nothing more. I have eaten from this place before and I don’t remember ever feeling this sick from eating there. But then, I haven’t been eating all week so it was probably a shot to my system. I am just glad I didn’t order Chinese food like I had wanted. That would have been worse.

Feeling Better, I Think

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Feeling Better, I think

I didn’t have my eight straight hours of sleep like I wanted but I got five straight and then another three so I think that balances out. My groceries came and I got an extra 4 pack of bran muffins. I don’t think I will eat all of them so my mother had me freeze them in our dilapidated freezer. It’s going and my mother needs to get a new fridge but for whatever reason, we always have problems with the delivery.

I am still feeling nauseous today so I am just going to stay home. It’s not helping that the post nasal drip is causing gagging at times. I did a lot today, putting the groceries away and going up and down stairs. I had to order a burger because I have been thinking about it for some time now so that is what I had for lunch. I am thinking of having the black bean burger for supper. Depends on how hungry I get. Lately, I just have been able to eat one meal and that is it. I am done for the day.

I was going to go to my father’s to throw away some meat that he bought but I think I will do that tomorrow. It’s not going anywhere and he is still in the hospital so he won’t know the difference.

I took my psych meds last night and I am feeling better. Not 100% but close to it. I still haven’t heard back from my psychiatrist on the refill. I hope she checks her email soon. I feel really depressed today. All I want to do is sleep but soon as I lie down, my thoughts go in a million directions. Then soon as I get to the final drop off, usually forty-five minutes to an hour later, my phone or some noise will stir me awake and I can’t get back to the level of sleepiness. I don’t know how people can sleep for 15 minutes. If I sleep, I am down for the count.

I need to take a shower today but I think I will take one tonight. I am kind of sleepy right now and took my pain meds because my ankle is being a bitch. I should be knocked out soon. I still have the whisperer on and that is helping to keep my brain calm. It really helped me last night to get to sleep. I am hoping it will help me take a nap, too.

The new nasal spray is not helping my congestion 100%. My right nostril is still clogged and I can’t get it to open up. I want to use afrin but the NP said to stop as I was getting rebound congestion. I am passing little air and it’s so annoying. It’s not helping my sinus pressure that I feel or the sinus headache. I was hoping it would help the post nasal drip but that doesn’t seem to be happening either. It’s making me feel like I am coming down with a cold but I don’t feel like cold symptoms are there. Just the congestion.