Tag: football

SuperBowl Sunday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, cauda equina syndrome, depression

SuperBowl Sunday

Been thinking about what to write today. Nothing has really changed since yesterday, though my stomach feels better. I found a pair of glasses that I thought I lost last night while looking for the Lincoln DVD. I have no clue where the hell this disc is. I have looked everywhere for it. I might have to buy another one. Then I will find the old one. Isn’t that always the case?

Last night I had an anxiety attack. I took a pill to calm down, showered, then tossed it up. Yup, I got sick in the shower. First time that happened. It took me a couple of hours to finally take my night time meds. I don’t know why my stomach was so topsy turvy. I didn’t eat anything that was bad. I guess it is just nerves.

My father is driving me crazy. He called today saying he has a bruise on his abdomen. That usually means his blood thinner is too high. A snow storm is supposed to hit the next two days, starting tonight. I don’t know if the office is going to be open tomorrow. My Tuesday schedule is probably going to be all screwed up because I most likely will have to take the bastard to the docs. And I can’t say anything to my sister about the bruise, but I need to borrow her car to take him to the appointment. I am so sick of coordinating his medical care.

Last night he was in one of his moods, the pick on me moods. He saw my haircut and just started laughing. Asshole. And then he wants something from me?? He is the king of jerks.

Going to read as much as I can today. I have less than 300 pages to go with the Civil War book. I figure if I read at least a chapter a day, I might be able to get through the book sometime this month. I want this book off my bed by the end of the month, so that is my goal.

I’m listening to country radio, which keeps going from stereo to non stereo and it’s annoying me. I haven’t been able to find the right “spot” to prevent this from happening. But oh well. It’s music and that is all I care about.

I don’t know why I was so anxious last night. It was awful. I was extremely annoyed and irritable. I guess things were building as my aunt made a comment about me wearing my hat in the house. She wanted me to take it off, or just be a bitch. I am not sure. But it annoyed me. Then my father made his remarks. I told my niece Happy Birthday and left. I couldn’t take being the butt of jokes anymore. I don’t know what the hell my aunt’s problem was. It’s not like I have not worn the hat in the house before. I always wear it so I don’t get the big fucking deal. And I refused to take it off. But my father was watching the whole charade. Totally pissed me off. Guess it started with my other aunt calling me “missy” several times, which totally made me so fucking pissed, but I didn’t say anything. I fucking hate my ‘family’ so much. And then people wonder why I want to kill myself.

Patriots win!

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, depression

Patriots win!

I watched a nail biting, painful football game tonight. American football, not soccer. By the start of the 4th quarter, I was seriously doubting my home team. But we pulled a win out of our ass. And a win is a win, even if it was ugly. I can’t wait to watch the OSU vs Oregon game Monday night. I lost 11 followers on Twitter. Every time I swear during the game, I lose followers but I don’t care.

Sometime during the 4th quarter, I started getting dizzy, even though I was sitting down. Even now my head is spinning and I am up in my room. I think it maybe due to either dehydration or exhaustion, or both. I woke up very early this morning and have not really rested. I am wicked tired and think I am getting another cold. My cough from my previous cold is still with me. It has been more than a month since I have had this cough. It’s not all the time, but it gets annoying when I try having a conversation with someone.

I thought a lot about my therapist today because it is our anniversary. I have been with her for fourteen years. And this depresses me because I know in a month my surgery anniversary is coming up. It was a tough time and I was losing my mind. I ended up in the hospital and my back gave out on me. I left AMA to see my chiropractor, which turned out to be a huge mistake. I ended up with CES, cauda equina syndrome, 12 hours after the adjustment. This has changed my life forever.

I guess this is why I have been so down lately. I have been thinking where I would be had not had a neurological injury. My back probably would still hurt. But I think if I didn’t get the chiropractic adjustments, it eventually would have gone away. Too bad it took 2 surgeries for me to be on medicine that helps my pain.

It’s 330 am and I just woke up in pain. Yay me. NOT. I started reading my Twitter line and then I started crying. I don’t know why. The stuff I was reading was mostly about Scotty McCreery, nothing too provoking. I was also crying during the football game, but those were tears of joy. I don’t know what these tears are about. I am just feeling wicked emotional right now.

For most of the day, I had been dealing with a low level sadness. It was my mother’s bday and I didn’t have money to get her a card or anything. Course, I think cards are a waste of money anyways. People don’t keep them like they used to and then if they do, they get thrown away anyways. I just don’t have “extra” money. I spent most of my money on meds this month and a few grocery items. That was it. I need a fucking job. But I can’t work the way things are right now. It would kill me. I would be in too much pain.

I don’t know why my right ankle is bothering me. Usually it is just my left. The pain seems to have gone away, which is good. Maybe I was just sleeping in a bad position or something.

Monday I have physical therapy and it is going to be snowing for most of the morning. Just fucking wonderful. I am tempted to cancel the damn appointment. But, we’ll see. If the temp is about 25 degrees, I will go. If it is less than that, I will cancel. I am not going to go out in the freezing, snowy weather. The reason for this is because the cold causes my back to cramp up on me. It happened yesterday while I was waiting for the bus after I left my father’s place. I was pretty bundled up, too! It was only 20 degrees out. Not as bad as the other day but still cold enough to hurt me.

I hope I can go back to sleep. I really don’t want to stay up all day. It is almost 430 am now. I have been up for an hour. If I don’t get back to sleep, that will so suck. I think with the pain medication and Ativan, I should be able to go back to sleep. I don’t know what I will be doing today. I think there will be a broncos game. The winner of that game will determine who the Patriots play next week. I hope it is the Colts. I really don’t want to see Manning’s ugly face. I can’t stand him because he is not a team player. He is only out there to do stuff for him and if it doesn’t happen, he yells at his teammates. That isn’t right.

Looks like I will be going back to sleep. YAY! Thank you meds!

Sunday with no (Pats) football

by Midnight Demon, posted in bipolar, blogging, chronic physical pain

My Pats aren’t playing today. I have to wait till Saturday. Boo. So I went to my father’s to do his medication for the week. I still don’t think he is taking his meds, and I yelled at him today for not taking his water pill every day. It’s one thing to miss one pill, but a whole week? That is just not acceptable! I know I am not 100% compliant with my meds, there are days that I don’t take all my 12 pills a day but that is ONE day, not 6! I know the consequences of not taking my medication. Unfortunately, my father doesn’t.

I have been slowly blocking people on Facebook that are my gamer friends because they are annoying as all hell. They play the game religiously and if you “cheat” they tell on you, like you did something dreadfully wrong. Personally, I don’t know how you can “cheat” with this game, unless you buy horseshoes to advance in the missions. But then, it’s their money and who am I to say what to do with it. So this person I just blocked because he kept on divulging the “cheaters”. I also blocked people that said they played the game but haven’t in more than a month. I play this game when I can. And now they have a timed mission that you have to plant crops that are 12 hours to harvest. The game gives you two weeks to complete the mission. In addition to the crops, there are some other things you have to complete that I know is going to take longer than 2 weeks. But I play because I like the challenge. I am not working, nor do I have to worry about short timed crops because for the next two weeks I will just have longer timed crops.

Which should leave me plenty of time to work on this blog that I am slowly picking away at. Right now I don’t think it makes much sense. I got the bibliography done the other night. Now I just need to write up my notes and I think I will have a paper. The hardest thing about this is that there is so much information that I am trying to condense into a smaller portion of so people can look at the book for more information. I have started with the history and moved to the theory and then the assessment tool. It is a little overwhelming to me as I have not done something like this in quite some time. I feel like I am writing an essay for a group of professors that might reject it (my Twitter audience).

My mood has been up and down since coming home from my father’s. I really want to drink but I know that won’t solve anything. My ankle just exploded after I cooked my dinner. I think I stood too long between waiting for the bus and then cooking just pushed it to the limits. I fucking hate not being able to stand for any length of time. I don’t see how physical therapy is going to help me. I am just so pissed off that the therapist canceled and I didn’t get a rescheduled appointment. I was just told to wait two weeks. GGRRRR. I just had enough of being in pain, every single day. It’s really wearing me out. I have no energy to fight it anymore. I just pop some pills and continue doing whatever I am doing until the side effects knock me out. You would think that after being on the same medication for years you would be immune to side effects but nope. Not happening. Drives me fucking nuts.

A Football blog

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, depression

I did nothing today except watch football. Both games were kind of boring, though the 49ers were a little more interesting because their quarterback could run. I was really hoping the teams that I picked would win and they ended up losing. But at least I didn’t have money on the games or anything. I would have lost big time if I did. And I am talking about American football not the European kind that is called soccer. LOL I had to put that clarification in for a certain someone in SA.

I didn’t get good sleep again last night. I woke up at 05:30 and finally was able to go back to sleep around 7ish. I slept for about four more hours before I finally woke up and really couldn’t go back to sleep. I thought I would sleep at least till twelve but no, wasn’t going to happen. I am wicked tired now and think I might go to bed soon. I don’t know. I still want to play my game but it has been acting up the last few days. I can’t request stuff like I used to. I think the game is updating for a new mission. Usually the game has bugs when they try to implement new missions. It is so annoying.

My mood seems to have leveled off. I am to see my pdoc tomorrow. I get to tell her the good news about Dr. Michel and hopefully get her to see if I need to see my neuro for this nerve thing that I have been experiencing. If I put my bad foot on the tippy toes while sitting, my leg will start jerking. It used to happen just a few times, but lately it has been happening more often. I don’t know why that is and with my nerve issues I am always apprehensive this could be a bad thing. I hope this time I am not racy like I was the last time I saw my pdoc. I got kind of carried away with my running list of symptoms and everything wrong with me. She still wants me to see an eye doctor for my eyes not focusing problem. I think it is just is migraine related as I haven’t had the focusing problem since my last migraine.

I have been thinking about the paper that I want to write but the more I think about it, the less there is to write. I need to focus more on my book and the other book that I will be writing. I wish I had another source of income so I could pay off this editor and move up my publication date. But I guess everything happens for a reason.