Tag: suicidology

Taking a Chance

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

Taking A Chance

One of my Twitter buddies sent an article about how a therapist copes with losing a patient in the privacy of their office. I read the article with interest. It was in the New York Times Opinion called “Couch”. I took a bold move. I emailed my “Love/Hate” blog to them for consideration. I didn’t give them the link, only the word doc that I created. I know it’s a long shot, but at least I can say I tried.

Went to see the physiatrist today. He thinks I have a neuroma in my foot. But there’s so much swelling he isn’t sure. He put me on another NSAID, which should be in tomorrow. The pharmacy called me to tell me it’s out of stock and should be ready by “10 am”. Hope so. I can pick it up tomorrow after I go to the square. It’s supposed to be 90 and the humidity today was off the charts. I haven’t left my room at all because the house is so damn hot. Surprisingly, I am not freezing so I know it’s hot out. Usually I will get cold and shut the AC off but not today. Today is a nice cold that I can tolerate.

As expected, my foot wasn’t too happy after the prodding and poking at the doctor’s office. I get to call him later this week to tell him if the medication works or not. He is on vacation next week, so I am not to call him. I had to laugh at that. Doc has a sense of humor that I like. But I think he is wrong about the neuroma because I don’t have the symptoms that they describe. I really think the inflammation is so out of control that it’s driving my pain levels up. And he said heat can drive up swelling. Great. Tell me something I don’t know! I walked out of there frustrated because there still is the same answer: inflammation of the tendons. He wanted me to go back to PT and I declined. I thought he was going to have a stroke when I said no. Last time didn’t help me and there is no point in going back. If this was a new injury, sure, I would go. But this is a chronic thing, something that is not going to go away anytime soon. It just made me feel like I was wasting his time. And for that matter, mine. I am the one who has to live with this, not him. I will take another anti-inflammatory drug and see if that helps.

My writing partner got back to me yesterday or the day before. I don’t know because the email was in my junk mail folder so I didn’t notice it right away. She changed her email to reflect her married name so it didn’t register in my inbox. I have my settings set to those only in my contact folder to be sent to my inbox. Otherwise it is either deleted or junked, depending on the subject settings. She wrote to say she was back and where she was in her writing process. I wrote back to her today about stuff with my writing. I don’t know if she cares or not. But that is our connection, our writing.

I started another book today, “Evidence-Based Practice in Suicidology”. I am trying to get through the first chapter but it’s really dense. The title is a little misleading because none of the EBP that is current today is in the book. No CBT, DBT, or Jobes. I guess that is why the book was collecting dust on my bookshelf. But I am glad I found it because I was itching to buy another copy! I found it when I was looking for a Harry Potter book to read.

a phone call

by Midnight Demon, posted in psychache, psychosis, suicide, suicide attempt

One crazy day at work I received a phone call from a number I didn’t recognize. I let it go to voicemail as I figured it was some bill collector. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Not only did this person leave me a message for me to call him back but he said that it was urgent to do so. This man was Dr. Edwin Shneidman, the father of suicidology. He was a man I deeply respected because of his work in trying to understand psychache and suicide. He was the first pioneer to create a suicide prevention center in the United States. He has spent his life trying to develop a scale for psychache and psychological pain assessment. Psychache is the unbearable psychological pain (despair, grief, guilt, hopelessness, frustration, perturbation, and pain all rolled into one). It is this pain that he and I believe causes people to think about taking their life. I sent him my paper “Is suicide caused by psychological pain?” and he wanted to talk to me about the pain scales I had mentioned. He was fascinated that there was a scale to measure physical pain but (as I argued) not for psychache. He was always thinking about how to have a psychometric assessment to gauge a person’s psychache.

Dr. Shneidman began his career by interpreting suicide notes. He began collecting them after he was sent to the morgue for confirmation of suicide autopsy. He and his colleague Farberow lead the early work of this important tool in forensic suicidology. In addition to this, he also co-founded the Los Angeles Suicide Prevention Center, the first in the United States to have one.

His message to me was for me to return his call and quickly (he wasn’t in the best of health). I didn’t know what to say to him or what he wanted of me. I was extremely nervous. Looking back I don’t remember too much of what we talked about. I know that we were on the phone what seemed like a half hour or so. I was too stunned to really remember anything but I know that he talked about his ill health and that he wanted to know what the physical pain scale was so I printed some off for him and sent them post haste to his house in LA. He died about a month afterwards.
After our conversation, my therapist was convinced I was going to be the next Shneidman. I would continue to follow in his work and in a way I have in my own way. I have book or downloaded/printed every article he ever wrote on the subject. I have scores of files on him. I also have the same on David Jobes but that is another matter.