Another cold depressing day

It’s a very cold New England day. I didn’t want to venture out because it was bitter cold. I bought the best of Laura Branigan because I had to listen to Ti Amo and Gloria. I was looking for the Italian version she made but no such luck.
I haven’t done anything but shave and shower. I also brushed my teeth. That is one of my resolutions: to brush my teeth at least once a day. Yesterday I didn’t do too good at it though I had enough opportunities. I just was feeling really yucky yesterday like I am today.
Seems the newsletter that I am working on will be on board sometime next week. I am kind of excited but the depression is making me feel like so what. I know this is a big thing but it’s hard to get excited when you feel so exhausted and down because of the depression.
I am supposed to write a review for a book I read. I am kind of nervous about it because I never wrote a review before and right now in this frame of mind, I don’t think it will be good to write anything. It will just be depressing and that is not what the book is about.
I still have not made any decision about when to tell my family about being called “Mike”. It’s funny because those at the newsletter still call me by my initials of my first and last name. I don’t know what to be called. I guess this is what a true identity crisis is like. For this newsletter I want to be called anonymous and so I am, just like this blog. I doubt my family reads this even though I post it on my real Facebook page. I also post it on my twitter account. I started a midnightdemons twitter account but I like my twitter account better as I have had it for so long.
I texted my therapist that I canceled my appt for Monday. We’ll see if she respects it or not. I should call and cancel as that would be more meaningful but I think 4 days time of canceling is better than a phone call. I am supposed to give 24 hr notice and 3 days is more than that!
I just don’t want help anymore. I know I need it but what is it doing for me? Nothing. I talk to a person that sometimes talks more than I do for crying out loud. I have tried to get her to shut up but most of the time I what she says makes sense but I still feel like I should be talking some of the time during my session. I have tried getting a new therapist but that failed disastrously. Tried ten therapists and they all bailed on me because of my history of suicidality. So now I am stuck with a person who is thirty miles away from me and I have to have phone sessions with. Not that I mind. But I wish we could have a real session once in a while. Maybe Tuesday I will get up early to take my sister’s car so I can have it for the day.