Brazil Coffee, Cauda Equina Syndrome, and Other Things

Brazil Coffee, Cauda Equina Syndrome, and Other Things

I had a rotten night of sleep. I really wanted to go out today but I hadn’t shower in days. There was no way I could shower when I couldn’t stand for more than ten minutes, much less walking to the bus stop and then stand waiting for it. So I nixed the idea and made coffee at home. I am glad I did. I am loving my Brazil coffee. Sadly, I have just one bag left of this nectar of the Gods. Starbucks doesn’t sell it anymore. But I am glad to have it either way as it tastes so damn good.

The reason for my back being a bitch is because the temp shot up 20 degrees. It’s nearly 56 degrees. Yesterday, it was in the thirties. The temp is supposed to be stable over the next day or so. I am hoping that I can sneak a shower in and not have my back go crazy on me. Just making coffee I was hurting. I kept having to sit down soon as I got up. This is no way to live.

I posted on Facebook that no one understands and two of my closest friends responded. They know what it is like living in chronic pain as they live with it themselves. It really takes someone to know and understand what you go through if they go through it themselves. One of my CES members of my group is having a hard time with this. He is having backlash from family members about his taking medication and not being himself anymore. It’s hard being the person you were when your life gets torn upside down with Cauda Equina Syndrome. It doesn’t help when you have no support other than members of the same condition. I went on a rant on Twitter. If he had diabetes, I bet they wouldn’t tell him he needed to be off his insulin or what ever he was taking to control his sugar. I don’t get why some people just don’t get that a medical condition is just that no matter what the cause of it is. It drives me up the wall. And if there is the stigma with CES, you can only imagine the stigma attached if you are depressed because you are no longer the person you once was.

It makes me sad because I have a good friend that will be getting a divorce soon because her husband said that she isn’t the person he married anymore. WTF. It pisses me off because what happened to the vow, for better or worse, and in sickness and health? People just don’t take their marriage vows seriously anymore. Not all people are like that. I have known some people who keep their vows and are still together despite the disability CES brings. I am glad I am single and I don’t have to deal with relationship stuff. It would be such a strain because I wouldn’t be able to be there financially to my partner nor physically. I have become such a loner that I hate being away from my room more than a couple of hours. It’s fine if I am have a doctor’s appointment or something. But for the most part, I rather just stay home and in my room.

Since my back pain has been really bad, my ankle has been behaving. Last night I thought there was going to be competition between the two but I headed it off by taking my pain meds. Seems I have been taking them around the clock to avoid being in pain. The downside of this is that I am tired all the time. Even with drinking coffee, I feel sleepy. I must have woken up three times last night between 0100 and 0600. I really can’t wait for the temps to level off because I really don’t want to move with pain. It’s one thing for my ankle to hurt. Sure it drives me up a wall, too. But not being able to move my trunk, to not being able to bend down, or to just put on a pair of slippers is difficult.

I didn’t make pancakes today. I just couldn’t stand long enough to make them. I keep trying. Maybe I will mix all the dry ingredients together and then tomorrow add the wet ingredients so there will be less work for me. There really isn’t that many ingredients to making pancakes from scratch. With oatmeal, there are seven, regular six. I have been making pancakes from scratch since I was young and I have a good memory (for now). While I was up early this morning, I had breakfast of pop tarts. It’s my last one so I will need to make a grocery order next week. I was hoping to avoid it but it seems I need one. I need my cereal and other items. I was going to go to the store but why do that when I can go online? Much faster and easier. And no lines, no waiting.