Saturday Blog 58

Saturday Blog 58

I woke up late but not in pain. I didn’t sleep well as I woke up two to three times during the night. I made coffee around 1230 and immediately wanted to go back to sleep. It was like drinking a sleeping potion. I was so tired that I didn’t make something to eat. I waited a couple of hours and then decided to make the filet mignon that I had. It was gross. I don’t know if I cooked it wrong or not but it tasted really bad. I had to throw it away. So I ordered Chinese for supper. I liked that.

After supper, I had to take a nap. There was no way I could keep my eyes open. I was just so tired for whatever reason. So I had a two hour or so nap. My ankle is finally feeling better so I haven’t been taking any pain meds today. I don’t know why I am so bloody tired. Even after the nap, I just wanted to go back to sleep.

If I didn’t wake up so late, I would have gone to Starbucks today. But I knew the place would be packed if I went after 12. I did some reading today and realized I am almost done with Cuckoo’s Calling. I should be done with it later tonight or tomorrow, the latest. What I will read is a guessing game because I have so many books to read.

I have been taking the lower dose of trilafon. I haven’t been needing it during the day so I just been taking it before bed when the voices are apt to be more rowdy. I hate the juggling act that I am doing to keep things at bay. Between my physical pain and my psychotic symptoms, it’s a real struggle. The chronicity of it is what has been getting me down. That I have to deal with one or the other or both every single day just gets to you after a while. You feel like you have no escape from the illness. It has you in your clutches and it is not going to let you go. It sucks.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Saturday Blog 58

  1. G. Collerone says:

    JK Rowling just released a new book in the Harry Potter series called The Cursed Child. It’s basically the script of the play they had in London. I am not sure i will like it but it’s Harry Potter so I have to have it. I go to Harvard Sq as they have a bookstore that I like there. I go there when I don’t feel like ordering from Amazon and I want a book NOW rather than wait for it to be shipped. There is always a book that I order from their store and that I just pick up. It gets me out of the house for a little bit, anyways. It is a bit of a walk though so I am hoping to make it in this heat. But I have the rest of the week to recover, HA.

  2. Harvard!?!? Explain, please. I live under a rock, I hope you’ll excuse me. Every time I come out I get frightened by modern culture, so I pull my head back in for another few years. So I read the first Harry Potter book and meant to keep up with it, but…haven’t. So what’s going on at Harvard that you’re picking your book up there? Will it be signed?

    That will be fun, meeting your Twitter buddy!

  3. G. Collerone says:

    If I would walk down to the community pool I would go there. I don’t know if it’s open on Sundays though. It’s so limiting having this injury. But Monday is a big day. I get to go to Harvard to pick up my Harry Potter book! I am also hoping that I meet up with a twitter buddy of mine that I have been meaning to meet. So if I get to meet him, it will be a real treat, exhausting but a treat!

  4. Bummer. Any chance of going somewhere interesting? I know it’s hard, with your ankle and everything. Anything good going on in the Square these days? I used to busk in the doorway of the Coop. That was before these pro outfits came in with jugglers and whatnot, and the Powers that Were at the time started charging a fee for a busking license! Fuck that, I was just trying to scrape together the rent. Uh oh, I’m raving again 😅

  5. G. Collerone says:

    Probably. I don’t allow myself “sick days”. If I am in pain I just medicate. If I dont have motivation I don’t do anything. I feel guilty because I’m staying in my room at least 20+ hours, just trying not to stare at 4 walls. But the house is hotter than it is outside so I don’t leave my AC room for long. Tomorrow I won’t be going out because there is no bus to the Square. Just another day of spending it on my bed, doing nothing. Maybe I will watch one of the movies I bought…

  6. Your body must be sucking up all the sleep it hasn’t had in so long! My favorite aunt used to tell me to just give your body what it needs. If you need to sleep around the clock for a day or so, it will do you nothing but good.

    I’ve come to the unwanted but necessary conclusion that rather than fighting against my illnesses, it works better for me to acknowledge them and try my best to manage them. Of course I still hate that and bitch about it, but it seems to be the lesser evil. I can’t get rid of these damn plagues, so I might as well conserve my energy. Today, for example, is what I call a “sick day.” My body is sick, my brain isn’t doing too well, and it’s raining, which makes everything worse. Fortunately I felt this one coming on and got a campsite, so at least I don’t have to drive. I would have to pull into a truck stop and have a miserable sick day instead of a relatively comfortable one. What else can we do, except try to manage as well as we can?

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