Civic Duty and other things
I saw my neurologist, who wasn’t really helpful in figuring out why I listen to music in my head all the time. She thinks it might be my antipsychotic causing the problem, or some medication that I am taking. So as long as the lyrics don’t tell me to kill myself, I am to live with the music stuck, on repeat, in my head. Just fucking lovely. Not only do I have to live in pain, I got to deal with this bullshit.
After the appointment, I was kicking myself for not bringing my Kindle to read as it was a long train ride back to town. I decided to do my civic duty because they were holding city elections today. So I did that. As I just got off the bus, and the next one would probably be at least a half hour to an hour, I decided to walk home. I didn’t want to stand around for the next bus. It was a long walk but I was feeling okay. That all changed once I hit the main street where I live. I was maybe ¾ home when my ankle was saying fuck you. The other side of the street was blocked off with cones so I wasn’t sure if I could cross where I was. So I decided to be a good citizen and walk to the crosswalk as it was close to my house anyways. While going by a convenience store, I decided to play the Powerball game as it’s $555 million. I expected to be in and out but nope, I got behind a guy that was playing all sorts of numbers left and right. I was ready to just walk out when he finished playing close to $40 worth of lottery numbers. Unreal. I got my quick pick and hurried home. I was starving and I was getting hot because it was really humid out. The last time I ate was around 0530 this morning. And it was now around 1230.
I came home and made a cheeseburger. I cooked it really well. In fact, I think I overcooked it to my tastes but the burger was sitting in the fridge for a few days and I wanted it well done. My ankle was not happy with the cooking. I changed and went up to my room with the AC on and rested. About an hour later, exhaustion struck and I needed a nap. My cousin must have called about an hour later. I knew what that was about. My mother wasn’t home yet so that meant she went shopping. No way was I going up and down stairs with my ankle screaming at me. I ignored the calls. They knew I was home and my mother was bullshit. But my cousin is a fairly healthy male so why the fuck can’t he bring the bags upstairs?? It pisses me off that I am expected to just because I am home. So I didn’t care that my mother was mad. My ankle is killing me and I still have two appointments tomorrow that I need to attend to. I have no idea how I am going to manage. I need to get my pain meds refilled and I need to see my psychiatrist.
I am really hoping the “black box” warning I heard about doesn’t affect me tomorrow. I will really be bullshit if I don’t get my meds because of these stupid warnings. But I won’t know until then whether or not I will get my meds. It’s a worry that is in the back of my head.
I wrote a little bit in my journal this morning as I had time before my appointment. I had about an hour so I was really early. I rather be early than late anyways. And with the T, it’s better to be early. I just wish I had my Kindle so I could knock down some Dostoevsky. I really wasn’t thinking about it because I had such a shitty sleep and woke up an hour and a half before my alarm went off. I didn’t dare try to go back to sleep because I really wanted to make coffee. I made it perfectly and it was so good, I wish I had more so I could have had a second cup.