Memes and other things

inspiration

My therapist friend sent me this meme today and it was what I really needed to help sort out my feelings for the day. It made me smile because he thinks of me in such a caring way. I hope you find it as uplifting as I did.

The temperature dropped severely and my back nearly went out on me. Because of this, I didn’t plan on going out. Then I found out today was National Guacamole Day and I needed a burrito, stat! I had planned on taking the 2 pm bus but I was able to finish my coffee in enough time to catch the one at 1 pm. Plus, my mother wasn’t home yet which possibly meant she was shopping and I didn’t want to be home to carry bags up the stairs. As it was fall like weather, I decided to wear jeans and was glad I did. After I had my burrito, I went to Starbucks for an iced tea. It was really cold there as they had the AC cranked. I had to put on my long sleeved T-shirt as I was cold. I felt like going outside to warm up.

I sat writing for an hour and a half. Today’s Daily Prompt word is Fragile. I kept thinking of something to write about it but I could only get one or two sentences going and that was it. I figure I would do better at home as the music at Starbucks was loud today and it was interfering with my music. Totally overloaded my brain trying to sort through the two different types of music playing. Once they started playing Spanish music, I decided to catch the bus home. I was out of there.

The bus was on time and the mentally disabled guy that I usually bump into on that bus ride wasn’t there today. He just makes me so damn nervous because his temper can go off at anything or he just wants a conversation where he just mumbles or asks you for money. I just find it unsettling.

On the walk home, I decided to go to Walgreens to get some Ben and Jerry’s chocolate brownie ice cream. They had every other flavor but that kind. I was tempted to get Haagan Daz Belgian chocolate as a substitute but I really wanted the Ben and Jerry’s kind. So I left the store, ice cream less.

Last night, much to my surprise, my therapist responded to a text I sent her about the pain I was in and how I was going to give up. She sent me a pic of her “hope drink” the snickers latte that I gave her the other day and a message of saying something like miracles do happen. I found it funny and responded back. I then watched the movie Liar Liar. I needed a comedy. Then I checked the Sox game and they were still losing by 3 runs. I took my meds and watched the final tweets as it was the bottom of the 9th inning and I didn’t think they would comeback but they were playing the Yanks so anything could happen. And they did! I was so fricken ecstatic! They won 7-5 with a walkoff homerun by Hanley Ramirez. It was the best comeback win of the season. That really made my night. Now we are in first place again.

Next week, I am going to try going to the MFA and see how I do. I am planning on going Tues afternoon after therapy. This is providing a whole slew of things going right for me, including my pain being in semi-control over the weekend and getting some decent sleep. I just hope that I don’t get lost in there again as I try and find my way out. That wouldn’t be good with my current mobility problems.

I kind of want to page my psychiatrist and let her know how I am doing. The last email I sent wasn’t terrific. I was really contemplating paging her last night when I was in dire straights. I kept on thinking to myself, what can I do differently because I had enough of just waiting for pain meds to kick in before I feel better. I was thinking of seeing a blasted CBT therapist for chronic pain but I have no idea if they exist in the Boston area. There is just one pain psychologist that I know of that works in the pain clinic at BWH. I don’t really have faith in him because according to his “assessments”, I am at risk for misusing my meds because I have a sexual trauma history. It’s a load of horseshit because if it was true, more than half of America would be hooked on drugs. Maybe I will email my psych and see if she knows someone that does CBT work in the area. There has to be someone in the greatest hospital that does some kind of CBT work.

As I was writing in Starbucks today, I realized it has been at least two weeks since I last read anything. I bought a copy of SE Hinton’s “That was then, This is now” book. I think I am going to read it over the weekend. It’s a short book and it will be fun as I enjoy her books. Eventually, I plan on getting the other two books that she has, Tex and Rumble Fish.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders, suicide and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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