Sunday Things

Sunday Things

I made myself breakfast. I made pancakes and as usual, I left the dishes and pan. My mother came home from visiting my aunt. She goes there every morning and spends a few hours there. When I went downstairs, I took out burgers and my black bean burger for lunch. The burgers needed to be defrosted so I will have them tomorrow. As I was cooking my bean burger, my mother said she was tired of cleaning up my dishes. So after I ate, I did the dishes in the sink (wish included her stuff from breakfast and lunch). My ankle is not happy with me right now.

My mother had the rugs cleaned yesterday morning. Now we had the task of moving things back to where they belonged. Some of the stuff was heavy and I helped my mother put those things back as she has a worse back than I do. I am hurting from it but I know I have drugs to help me. She doesn’t take anything and it would take her two days to put the things back. Now I just plan on resting and watching a movie. I follow a Civil War blog and their last post was of a trailer for Lincoln the movie. I am going to watch that. I love this movie. I practically know it by heart as I have seen it so many times.

My pain was kind of weird last night. I was hurting but it wasn’t skyrocketing. It was low level and one pain pill seemed to help it, which is good because if I keep taking two pills, I am going to run out by the 4th. I have to do a balancing act right now between the regular pills and the strong pills. I am sure tonight I am going to be in serious pain because of doing the moving of things to help my mother. I took a NSAID to see if that helps but I swear it works as well as a sugar pill would.

I got an email from my cousin this morning. She invited me and my sisters as well as their kids to her daughter’s birthday party. I wasn’t going to go because it was north of me and I don’t have transportation. I decided to get a Zipcar for the evening so I can attend. I have no idea how much this is going to cost me. I hope that my Golf car is available because it’s $7/hr. I will reserve it in advance so I can try and get it. It will be fun to see my cousins again. I haven’t seen them since my father passed away.

My sister just royally pissed me off. She just got my mother’s rugs downstairs cleaned. Now she wants to do my bedroom as well as my mother’s. I would have to do some serious cleaning in my room for my rug to be cleaned and I have no place to put my stuff. So I told her forget about it and she said my rugs are dirty and need to be cleaned. Sorry, they aren’t that dirty. Sure they could use a vacuum but that is all they need. It sparked my suicidal feelings. Once again, my things mean nothing to my family and I am being treated like a piece of dirt. Sure, it’s fine when I need to watch their fucking kids and everything but to help me out? Not a chance. It’s not fucking happening. I don’t give a shit. They can clean my room when I am dead.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s