Saturday Blog 66

Saturday Blog 66

I am having a low key day. I want to rest my ankle as much as possible so I am just sitting on my bed on the computer. I might watch “Lincoln” in a little bit. I love that movie. I was going to watch my football games but my mother had the rugs washed and you can’t go into the room for 24 hours. So she is watching in the kitchen, where I usually watch my sports. I might watch in her bedroom. Pain has been starting all day so I am not sure I will.

I woke up before 0700. I wasn’t in pain until I was fully aware of being awake. I played on the computer and was hoping to go back to sleep before the rug cleaners came but it didn’t happen. I didn’t go back to sleep until my mother left the house and it was quiet. I got up around noon and made coffee and had a pop tart. The pop tart didn’t hold me so then I made some fish and chips. My mother came home as I was waiting for the oven to pre-heat. She didn’t have lunch so I made her some fish sticks too. She started arguing with me about the fish, thinking we had fish filets but I had the last two and she didn’t know that. UGH. Which reminds me, I need to order some more fish sticks. So much for keeping my grocery bill under $150. I might take off some items. I like to click and then when I am not hungry edit the list. I am keeping the Boston coffee cake because who doesn’t like coffee cake!?

As we were waiting for the lunch to be ready, I was talking with my mother about pie pans. I plan on making a cake next weekend and I need 10 inch pie plate. She didn’t know how many inches the pan she uses for her yummy custard pie to I looked today and it’s 10 inches. I am glad because now I don’t have to buy one. It uses a lot of sugar so she probably is not going to have a slice of cake. She wanted me to make cupcakes but it’s not made for it so we had a discussion about it. I HATE making cupcakes or muffins because I can never get them right. They never fill the liners or deflate after they are out of the oven. It’s so frustrating. I still haven’t figured out how I am going to chop the cranberries for my cake. I might use my food processor, but I don’t want them too fine. I have a week to think about this. I would make them this weekend but I don’t have the ingredients and I really want to rest my ankle. I have been a baking machine the past few weekends. I think that is why I have been in so much pain because I haven’t allowed myself to rest in between days of activity. I need to be better about that.

Last night I sent a message to my support group on Facebook about my difficulty. I told them I was suicidal and that any condescending talk about it will not be tolerated. So of course one person wanted me in the hospital because of my state. Idiot. I didn’t respond and I didn’t delete the comment. My friends were great though because we talked about baseball and my friend from Australia kept on being “dumb” about the teams we were talking about. So I had to inform him of what we were talking about because it’s hard to read sarcasm. He can be a very sarcastic fellow. It was funny. I got some support and it was good because others have felt the same way though they never voiced it. The weird part is, the group is closed so I don’t know how new people are finding the group. I thought it would be cut off but I guess not. I hope people outside the group can’t read the messages. That would be so awful.

I will be going to a costume party next weekend. I asked my sister if I should bring food or dessert and she said dessert. I will be making my better than sex pumpkin cake. I love this cake. It’s very easy to make, which makes it even better. I just hope my pain levels are down so I can enjoy the party. It’s been so long since I have been invited some where, especially for Halloween. Now the question is, should I get my haircut or let it grow? It does need a trim as it’s been more than a month since my last cut. I got a good barber that I am comfortable with and the price is reasonable. Guess I will flip a coin and see how that goes…

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About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Saturday Blog 66

  1. Jackie says:

    I’m happy to hear you have a good support group. People can see a closed support group exists and find it by searching, and if their friends are members (I believe) they can see that, but until they request to join and are approved, cannot see any posts. If a group is secret, then it cannot be found via search and the only way to join would be for a member to ask an admin to add.

    Are you going to dress up for the Halloween party?

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    A costume party sounds like fun, what are you dressing up as? Email me the recipe for that pumpkin cake. I want to try it. It sounds delicious you can email it to me at shirley1980@eircom.net

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