I am beat

I am beat

I left the house a couple hours before my psychiatrist’s appointment to have some blood work done. I thought a lipid panel was ordered so I fasted. It wasn’t ordered and I was starving by the time I got to the hospital. Figures. There was a wait for the blood vampires and I got one of my friends that I have known for years. Unfortunately, he has never drawn me before and had to stick me twice to get blood. After the poking and sticking, I left for Starbucks. I had about and hour to kill before my appointment. I got something to eat and my espresso. I then went back to the hospital and waited 45 minutes for my appointment. I wrote in my journal while I waited.

I wasn’t nervous until my doc was ready to see me. We talked more about pain control than about my psych issues. She wants me to take more of my strong pain pill than my regular ones because she said I was tolerant to the regular stuff. I didn’t think about that at all as being the reason why I needed so much more meds to calm my pain episodes down. She also is going to email the NP about my issues and see if they can do something for me, rather than just printing off my scripts and saying have a nice day. A monkey can do that.

She didn’t ask what my date was and I didn’t infer I had one. I am going to skip the date, for now and see if anything changes when I have my next pain management appointment with the NP. I see both my psych and the NP the same date, one before the other. Lovely. I should have had my psych appointment after the NP to let her know how it goes. I guess she will just have to get an email from me afterwards.

I missed the bus when I got back to the Square. I had to wait 45 minutes for the next one. I was not happy. My ankle was killing me and then my calf starting cramping up on me from the brace I was wearing. I forgot to put pain meds in my pill box so I went without. An idiotic move, I know. I wanted to get home quickly because my mother was cleaning and huffing and puffing while doing so. I wanted to make sure she was okay. I hated waiting and for some reason my damn Twitter app wouldn’t load new messages, even after I restarted my phone. I hated being twitterless. It helps pass the time. When I did restart, I got a flood of messages so my network must have been down on my phone, even though I had the bars. Weird.

My ankle is throbbing up a storm right now. I might have to take another pain pill. I don’t want to take the strong pain pill just for pain that is manageable. It’s like a 6 right now. I usually take the stronger pill when it’s above an 8. Course, the pain scale can be meaningless for those with chronic pain. My mother just called me saying she was making dinner, but I am not hungry. I really want a damn nap. I am tired after all the walking I did between the buildings of the hospital and going to Starbucks around the hospital, which was a few blocks away.

Mail had come as I was walking out the door this morning. I got my Star Trek shirt finally. I have been invited to a costume party for Halloween and so I will wear it for that. It’s not a real uniform, just a T-shirt with the logos of the Next Gen uni. I love it. I got to wash it though and hope it survives the first wash or I am going to be pissed. It’s got some kind of glittery things on the decals so that is why I am worried. I wish I knew where my real comm badge was. I did have the real uniform at one time but it ripped because I gained weight. I was really sad to throw it away. I kept the pins and the comm badge though but I haven’t seen it in years. Oh well. The place I bought the T-shirt is going to sell a real comm badge that is Bluetooth enabled so it works with your phone. If I live, that will be my reward. It comes out some time next month.

It was surprisingly humid today, which didn’t help my pain levels. Rain was in the forecast so I wore jeans instead of shorts as well as a button down shirt. I was sweating to death by the time I got to the train station. I was also cursing myself because I knew it was going to be near 70 today but thought with the rain it would be cool. I just wasn’t expecting humidity. Damn New England weather. Can never trust it. I have the AC cranking now to cool off. I am very glad I didn’t take it out when we had the low temps two weeks ago. Seems like Indian Summer is still around.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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