Sunday Blog 21

Sunday Blog 21

My mother needed eggs so I went to the store to get some as they were on sale. She could have told me this when I went to the grocery store yesterday but she didn’t. Idiot. She makes me so mad because she just thinks that I am an able bodied person that can do things.

I still need to find a 10 inch pie plate to make my cake. I was going to use a square pan but it’s 11 inches and I think it would be too big. I am going to see if I can just get a disposable pan at Walgreens or the dollar store.

My brother in law took out my AC this morning. I am glad because there is going to be possible snow tomorrow. Figures because I was planning on going to the Museum of Fine Arts. I still haven’t figured out how to get to the green line to get there. I guess I will have to take the bus to the orange line and then transfer. That will be the easiest way. But it means no Starbucks. I will have to make it at home. I made it today and it was perfect. The half and half was good and didn’t curdle.

My mother made a stir fry for dinner instead of stuffed chicken breasts. I like the stir fry better so I am glad she made it. She also made baked potatoes. I usually add salt and butter to it but tonight I couldn’t be bothered so just ate it plain. It was okay. I am not a huge baked potato fan. I usually like them mashed or in a salad of some sort. My favorite is when my mother makes them in a vinegar salad. I think it’s healthier than with mayonnaise or mashed.

Before dinner, I laid down because I was feeling really sleepy. My mother called just when I was about to hit some deep sleep so I feel kind of groggy. So of course, my ankle has decided to flare up. I am so sick of being in pain. If it wasn’t Thanksgiving this week, I might attempt. I just don’t care anymore. I need to go to the pharmacy tomorrow and fill my prescription. I wish it was a lethal dose of doxepin. Fat chance of ever getting that again. I will drop it off before heading to the museum, if the weather permits.

Now that I know my mother isn’t going to be calling me so I can take my pain meds and head toward oblivion. Least I hope to. Never know with chronic pain. I filled my med box this morning as I was up early to allow my brother in law access to my AC. I still have three hours before I can take them. So damn long. I think I am going to crash and hope that it doesn’t keep me up all night. Sometimes I can wake up from a nap, take my meds, and then fall back to sleep. I know I have been up and down the stairs most of the day, which doesn’t help my ankle pain. I need a shower but it’s not happening tonight. I have been running hot and cold all day today, not mood wise but feeling wise. I was wicked hot when I came back from the store and then I was freezing cold when I went to make my lunch. I just couldn’t get warmed up. Now I am feeling hot again. I was wearing my new Nebraska fleece pullover. It was warm and the sleeves are too long for me (I am short so men’s XL’s don’t always fit right). I was disappointed it didn’t have pockets. But I love it just the same. Now I just have to get a Nebraska hat and I will be set.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

One thought on “Sunday Blog 21”

  1. I hate when I feel hot and cold and cant regulate my temp. i’m sorry your mom is treating you like an able bodied person. she seems to depend on you a lot for things. that must get annoying. xxx

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