disappointing but good day overall

Disappointing but good day overall

I had my appointment with my PCP this morning. It did not go well. He is reluctant to change my meds to longer acting ones and basically told me to keep doing what I am doing. I emailed my psychiatrist soon after the appointment to let her know what went on. She is going to try and talk to him.

That put me into a funk for most of the day until I had coffee with my cousin. It was good talking to her. I am older than she is but it didn’t matter. We talked about anything and everything. She is really amazed that I have two books out and got published in the New York Times. She is going to read my new book as her mother gave it to her. I hope we can have more coffee times. She is starting a new job tomorrow and I am happy for her.

I am so “high” off coffee right now. I had four shots of espresso, which makes eight total for the day as I had four in the morning before I saw my PCP. I just feel really wired but tired as I have been up so early. I tried to take a nap before I went out to see my cousin but it didn’t work out. I just rested for about 45 minutes.

I am sure my ankle is going to flare up later tonight. It’s quiet now, which is not always a good sign. I still haven’t emailed my psychiatrist about how I am doing. Not being able to get pain relief was a real downer for me. I understand why and it wasn’t like I wanted him to increase what I was on. I just wanted a longer acting medication so my nights weren’t so damn horrible. I see him in three months. It just fucking sucks that I have to keep doing things that aren’t working as well as it should be. I am so sick of the same old same old. But more than that, I am sick of being in pain, which I don’t think my doc got. I told him that it was affecting my mood but it really didn’t register for him and he just asked if I was seeing my psychiatrist. Like that was supposed to make my mood better. I am just so frustrated. The ability of passing the buck is really something. Oh, and he wanted me to see a new doc in the same specialty as the other new doc I saw. I turned him down because I am tired of seeing new docs and not getting any answers, leaving with the same concerns, same meds, and no real change. He also wants me to learn to live with this pain. Yea, okay. I am so tired of the run around.

I hope my psychiatrist is able to talk some sense to my PCP. Or my pain is really going to be the death of me.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to disappointing but good day overall

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope she can talk sense into him too! Keep doing what your doing? That’s not helpful. xx

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