nervous about tomorrow

Nervous about tomorrow

I meet with my PCP tomorrow morning to discuss my pain relief options. I am hoping he will be able to do something for me. I haven’t seen him in two months. He wanted to do a check in at four months but I can’t wait till April to sort out my pain. I will be in the ground. I am going to ask him to be on a long acting pain med and hopefully he will agree to the one I want to be on. Trouble is, I don’t know if he can prescribe it as in the prescribing section of the med when I looked online it said only certain physicians can prescribe it. So I don’t know what that means exactly. And the website wasn’t helpful in telling what kind of physician needed to prescribe it either. I hope I don’t have to go to a pain clinic. That is just a pain in the ass and I know they won’t help. It will be a waste of my time.

I honestly don’t know this PCP too well. I only had one appointment with him. He seems like a nice guy. But I am always hesitant in front of new people to discuss my mental illness. He knows I see a psychiatrist and that is good enough for him. But I will lose my shit if he isn’t going to help me. It will just throw me into despair. At this rate, it won’t take much for me to get there.

Then on Wednesday, I have an appointment with an intake person for this chronic pain group that my psychiatrist had found. I am nervous about that because I don’t know if you need to have a therapist and right now I don’t have one. I am also nervous because of my suicidality can spike at any given time. I don’t know if being “actively” suicidal will bar me from joining this group. The group sounds like something that might help me, at least to know that there are others struggling with the same things.

I am supposed to meet up with my cousin tomorrow. She wants to have coffee and I can’t say no to coffee. I am a little nervous because this is a cousin that I normally don’t talk to that often. She is younger than I am. I still think of her a little kid as I used to watch her when she was little. I was her “boyfriend”. She was a little whippersnapper. But a cute kid. She still is and also is very pretty. Her sisters are as well.

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