calm before the storm

Calm before the storm

It’s a nice day today, though it is cold. Sun is out and I was able to do errands after I had my coffee. I really wanted to go back to sleep when I woke up but I forced myself to make the coffee and then get dressed to go out. Even though it was cold, I was sweating by the time I left the store. It was wicked warm while waiting to be checked out. I am so glad I didn’t wear my heavy sweatshirt. I would have melted! Tomorrow we are supposed to have a huge snow storm. So figures today is nice and tomorrow will be hell. I bet they are going to close schools and stuff. They are already asking people to not be on the roads unless they have to be and to use public transportation when possible.

While I was out, I went to the store to get cocoa pebbles. They had Fruity pebbles but not cocoa. I was bummed. I got some granola square cereal instead. I hope it’s good. It’s new and expensive but I didn’t care. I needed good cereal. I should have bought cocoa puffs like I have been craving but the pebbles were a good substitute.

My psych got back to me and I have an appointment to see her Friday, which is good because I need a bunch of refills. She read the blog I sent her last night. It was one that I wrote last year about my depression and how I wish I could die from my illness like my father was going to die from his. This is what I wrote that really touched on the struggle with mental illness: “Waiting is something I should be used to with this thing but I am just like my father in that I want to be better now, not later. Unfortunately, that’s not how mental illness works. With my father, he isn’t going to get better. He is going to get worse and then die. I wish I had that luxury, too”.

I made a bacon sandwich for lunch. My ankle is not happy with me. But I don’t have to do anything else for the day. My mother will be making sausages and potatoes for supper. It’s one of my favorite dishes. I can smell it and it smells so awesome. It’s making me hungry. I guess the Neurontin I had last night is increasing my appetite. I just want to eat today. I might have some Oreos as my sweet tooth is being activated. I already had three pieces of dark chocolate but I still want something more. I hate when my appetite is out of control and I am trying to control it.

I called another therapist to see if he was taking new clients. If he isn’t, I am not calling anymore and will just wait to see what my psychiatrist can do. I have a feeling I might have to call the hospital triage line to get a therapist at the hospital where my psych works. That is my last resort.

Today is National Napping Day so I am going to take a nap after I finish writing this blog. I didn’t sleep well last night. I again was up until 0400. I just couldn’t settle down. I was in pain and was just waiting for my pain meds to work and then I got my second wind so it was hard to get to sleep. I had to take an Ativan to relax enough to conk out. I hope tonight is better but I don’t know.

Well, they have called a snow emergency so schools and public libraries are closed tomorrow. My niece was home sick today so she gets another day off. I knew my city was going to freak out about the snow. Soon as the weatherman says the “S” word, the city goes nuts.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to calm before the storm

  1. G. Collerone says:

    Not cool when most businesses are closed and the public transit is on a reduced schedule. Sucks. Glad I don’t have to go out tomorrow

  2. G. Collerone says:

    I hope so too, but you never know in New England

  3. Mari says:

    Hope you don’t get too much snow! Your mom sounds like a good cook!

  4. manyofus1980 says:

    we have sun today makes a change. snow is march? wow. how cool is that. and here I thought winter was over. lol. xxx

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