Saturday blog 80

Saturday Blog 80

Well, after a month of having to manually adjust my setting on word to have borders, I finally fixed it so that I no longer have to do that. I am so relieved because it was a pain in the ass to do that on every document.

Today was my brother in law’s birthday party. I lasted as long as my pain allowed me to and then I returned to my “cave”. The pain exploded soon as I came back to my room. It was so bad, I thought I was going to cry. I took my pain meds and might have to take my strong pain pill because I am hurting way too much. I stood just a little bit too long.

The party was the usual crowd, which consisted of my street neighbors and family. My niece brought her friends over and I was kind of shocked that her best friend was gay. She had a girlfriend over the house and was showering her with affection. I just shook my head.

I was talking with a friend of mine on Facebook messenger before the party. Actually, I was talking to a bunch of friends on messenger today, all at around the same time. It was weird as I usually don’t have more than one conversation going at a time. Anyways, my friend from Texas and I were talking because she had post something about Amy Bleuel, the founder of Project Semicolon, and I had written something about it on her post. She wanted me to know that she was there for me should I need her. I thought it was kind of her to reach out to me. She knows of my history and that have suicidal tendencies. I told her that I was having trouble finding a therapist because most are not taking new clients, least the ones that I have called. I would be doing okay if I had someone to talk to about my pain every week and ways in dealing with it. It’s hard when you no longer have a support to talk to anymore.

I took a shower when I got up this afternoon. I bought a new shampoo and wanted to try it. It’s supposed to help dry hair. I hope it alleviates some of the itchiness I get because my hair is so dry.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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