Grumpy Gus

Grumpy Gus

I have been in a grumpy mood for most of the day. I had a bad night of sleeping. I woke up around 3 in pain and it never settled down. I am sticking with my diet today, though. I just need two more shakes and I will be done for the night.

I tried taking a nap but couldn’t so I took some Ativan to calm down. I really wanted to take a strong pain pill because my foot was going fucking berserk on me and it was really getting me agitated. I couldn’t move my foot/ankle any which way without pain. I didn’t go out today. Just going up and down the stairs to use the bathroom was torture. I know I will be having a bowel movement soon and I am not looking forward to going down the stairs again.

My fricken mother woke me up from my nap and I was not happy. She wanted to know what I wanted for dinner, at 1430!! WTF. She usually calls me around 1530 to ask. I was so bullshit. I still am. She always calls whenever I nap or am sleeping. It’s like I am supposed to be at her beck and call. And then she gets mad if I don’t answer the phone, especially if I am home. I am so pissed at her. Now she is playing her dice game and it’s annoying the fuck out of me. I’m going to hide it on her and throw the damn kettle out of the window.

Forget about changing the sheets today. That is not going to happen because my foot is being a fuck. I’ll just wrestle with the sheets one more time to get them back on the bed. I should have put in a refill for my meds through my PCP’s office today but I was so out of it, I didn’t think of it till now. Now I will have to wait until next week. Fuck. I hope I can last the weekend. I have been trying to be conservative with my meds which is why I didn’t take the strong pain pill before my nap.

I have the appointment with ortho tomorrow for my Achilles problem. I am really nervous and I know I am not going to be able to walk after they poke and prod my ankle. I am going to get there early in case they need to do X-rays. I might bring my cane with me just in case. It will be cold out so I won’t be wearing shorts. I will wear sweatpants so they are easy to pull up. Jeans would be difficult to roll up.

The psychotic stuff that I experienced on Monday has left. I think I am over it for right now. I just got to keep my stress levels low and I think tomorrow’s appointment is weighing on me more than I realize. I keep on having dreams of my father, nothing scary or anything but they are just weird. I can’t remember them when I wake up.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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