saying good-bye to a friend

Saying good-bye to a friend

I got up soon after my mother left the house. I wanted to basically shave the sides and part of the back of my head because she “loves” it so much. Unfortunately, the razor that I wanted to use died and I had to use my trimmer, which didn’t cut as close as I wanted it. I took a shower afterwards to get the hair off me.

I then made breakfast of scrambled eggs with pepper jack cheese. It was good. We were running low on orange juice so I figured after the wake, I would get some. By the time I was done ironing my shirt, it was time for the next bus to the Square. I desperately needed coffee. I got dressed quickly. My dress pants had some trouble going over my brace. Luckily the bus was a little late so I was basically on time when it came.

I felt pretty good in my shirt and tie. I hardly get dressed up anymore or even wear button down shirts since I have been out of work. I went to Starbucks for my espresso and started to write in my journal. I then thought I could get the juice at the new grocery store they opened in the Square a few months ago. They didn’t carry the kind I wanted in the size I wanted. I decided to go home so I could take another dose of pain meds before leaving for the funeral home. Unfortunately, I had spilled my coffee on my tie and it smelled of soy milk and espresso. I was not happy because cleaning ties are a bitch.

I came home and thought about blogging but I didn’t. I called my carrier for my cellphone to see if I could get a better deal now that my contract had expired. I lowered my bill, which is good and have unlimited everything plus a hotspot. I have no idea how to use a hotspot but whatever. It’s 10 GB and I doubt I will use it at all. But it’s with the plan and doesn’t cost me extra. The plan is in effect and I should see it in my next billing cycle.

I got antsy and decided to leave for the funeral home. It was nice weather, even though it was cloudy so I didn’t mind waiting outside. The bus was late but I didn’t care. I didn’t want to be there too early. I saw my friend and said goodbye to him. I told him to say hi to my other coworkers that have passed on. I then gave my condolences to the family.

I went to see the pictures they had on display and saw one of the friends that I used to work in. There were a few more that came in and we all talked. I learned there have been 81 people to date that have passed on since the company closed in 1997. I hope we don’t lose anymore. I waited around a bit, hoping to see more friends but it was getting late and I still needed to go to the grocery store. I left and then bought something to eat while at the store. I didn’t have dinner at home because I wasn’t hungry. By the time I made it back to the bus stop, my Achilles flared up something awful and I still needed to walk home. I basically limped on my bad foot, which it didn’t like so my ankle flared in protest. I was screwed.

Luckily, I didn’t have to wait long for the bus to come. I walked to the convenience store to buy a Powerball ticket and a scratch ticket. I lost on the scratch. I hope the powerball numbers come through. It’s low numbers so I am not sure. There hasn’t been a Massachusetts winner in a long time so I am not hopeful. But in order to win, you have to play so I am taking a $2 chance.

I came home and medicated. I told my mother about my friend and how he used to tell one line jokes. He was a sweet man. He isn’t suffering anymore and he can be with his friends to tell his corny jokes.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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