brain fuzzy

Brain fuzzy

I got up a little after 9. My mother was washing clothes so I knew she wasn’t going to go over my aunt’s. I decided to make coffee. I was still feeling paranoid and my brain was feeling fuzzy. It usually happens after a psychotic episode like I had last night. The paranoia sticks around for a while. I felt like it was too early to call my psych so I just had my coffee and then made a turkey bacon sandwich.

My mother left to go grocery shopping and told me to continue to wash clothes. Then when she got back with the groceries, I had to help her put them away. My ankle was throbbing and I needed a nap. After everything was away, I laid down for an hour but I didn’t sleep. It was really cold in my room from the AC. I just huddled under the blankets.

I paged my psych and talked with her for a bit. She wanted to know if I wanted to go in the hospital and I told her no. I knew they would just drug me up or try me on a second generation drug for psychosis and I didn’t want that. I told her I was just going to stay in my room and maybe read. She said to keep in touch and I told her I would.

My sister called me saying she made a quiche. I don’t feel like having it. I think I am going to make mac and cheese for dinner. It’s been a while since I had that. My ankle is still hurting me. I took some pain meds before I laid down but they don’t seem to be working. I might need my strong pain meds. I really don’t want to take it because it’s been a while since I last had a bowel movement. I have started taking fiber pills but nothing is moving. I don’t want to take too much stuff because then I will be on the toilet all day.

I finished off my dessert today. My mother had a bite and said it tasted like Meringue pie. I said yea, but without the eggs. I don’t know if I will make it again. It was fairly simple. I like simple recipes. Tomorrow I am going to take out the ground beef so Tuesday I can make my gravy I have been wanting to make. I just hope I remember. Maybe I will take it out later tonight so it will thaw all day tomorrow.

I am feeling really hungover for some reason. Just feel like someone is after me but I don’t know who. It’s so frustrating when feeling paranoid. Think I will take 8 mg of trilafon tonight. I still need to fill my med box for the week. I’ll probably do that after I have dinner.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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