I hate summer

I hate summer

Today was a hot typical summer day. I hate it. I hate sweating. But I had to go out for therapy. I went to Starbucks first to get my espresso and some breakfast/lunch. I wrote in my journal to pass the time. It was freezing in Starbucks but I didn’t mind. It was better than outside. It was muggy, which was good when I left to go to my therapist’s office. I hate his waiting room because it’s stuffy. The AC was on but not high enough for me.

I talked to him about going in the hospital. He wanted me to think about if there was a way I could have the elements of the hospital without going in. I don’t think so. The hospital has always been my safety net when things are rough. He wasn’t for or against it. We moved on and he started picking at his nails. I am going to bring a nail clipper the next session. It was good to talk to him but I am feeling like going in the hospital would be a good idea. I will probably go in Wed. I had my mother take out the ground beef so I could make my gravy. I’ll do that tomorrow.

I came home and the house was just disgustingly hot and muggy. I think it was cooler outside. My shirt was stuck on me that I had a hard time taking it off for a dryer one. I thought about a shower but my ankle would have divorced me. It didn’t like me for some reason. I didn’t do anything more than I normally do on a Monday. But I think the heat makes my pain worse. It’s supposed to be really muggy tomorrow so making a sauce is going to be so much fun. I will put in fresh basil from the garden. I love making it. It’s one of the few things I am good at.

I just emailed my psych to let her know I will be going in on Wed. and to let her know about what my therapist thinks about it, which is nothing useful. I told her I think talking to a turnip would be better. Least she will laugh. I just need to come up with an excuse to tell my mother about going in. Thing I HATE getting asked when I go in is “why now?”, like you aren’t being admitted unless you answer this question because yesterday you were ok and now you aren’t. Fucking assholes. I need to go in because I feel it’s in my best interest, you dumbfuck, unless you want me to suicide. That can be arranged. Seriously don’t know who comes up with these stigmatizing questions.

I am hoping that I can get both of my pain meds during the admission, if I need it. I definitely need my regular pain med or I will go through withdrawal which won’t be nice. I experienced that once and that was enough for me.

I got my cell bill today and it’s $4 more this month than last. All because of stupid administration fee, whatever the fuck that is. Unreal. My cable bill unexpectedly went up $8 so I am dishing more for something I don’t even use. Only time I watch TV/cable is when I want to watch a baseball game. Other than that, I can care less. My mother watches her shows so I mostly just pay to keep her happy as she pays my internet. Guess it’s a trade off.

I’m glad I am in my AC’d room cooling off. I lowered the temp on the AC to freezing. It’s funny, I love being cold in the summer but don’t care for it during the winter. I think it’s a different kind of cold, though I prefer being cold than having my room be a sauna like it was last winter. I needed my window open to let the cold air in. And when I put on long sleeves, my mother wanted to turn up the heat. NO THANKS! I’m good.

4 thoughts on “I hate summer

  1. That weather sucks!! I love the same, 50s and cloudy. The hosp keeps me safe so I know I can’t act on my impulses. It’s been a long while since I tried to attempt, but I constantly plan and think about it. It gets really harder when you hear voices telling you to take a bottle of pills, which is why I am here.


  2. I loathe summer. It’s 98 with humidity heat index 105. Dogs left outside will die in this heat. I love thunderstorms, snowstorms and hurricanes. Happiest when it’s in the 50s and cloudy.
    I’m alone 20 hours out of the day 6 days a week. I never leave the house. I’m disabled. I’ve been hospitalized. Last time was Suicide attempt. God was I pissed off I was still here when the paramedics brought me round. Roomate got off work early. I’m really curious what the hospital does for you. I hated it. Are you in US? I’m genuinely interested. Maybe I’m missing something. Anyway wishing you peace and Goodwill.


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