rough morning

Rough morning

I had a decent sleep but I can’t seem to get going. I went to Walgreens to fill my scripts and that just sucked whatever energy I had. It was pouring when I left the store and I didn’t bring an umbrella. Oh well. The rain was cool and refreshing but I had to walk fast so I didn’t get soaked.

I came home and wanted to get started on the gravy but I just don’t feel up to it right now. My ankle is throbbing. Think I will wait till the pain meds work before I am on my feet getting things ready.

Some idiot is doing some kind of work with a high pitch drill or some other power tool. It is annoying me so bad. I can forget about trying to nap. I’m feeling so worn down. It’s really depressing me. Great. The noise has stopped but the damn birds are chirping.

I have told my groups and some friends that I will be going in the hospital tomorrow. I need to leave early, before my mother gets up, so that I can leave without too much trouble or questions. I have charged all of my electronics and placed my cords for them in my backpack. I also packed one of my favorite Starbucks mugs so that I can use that rather than the hospital cups. I mostly just use it for juice. I mix orange and cranberry to make a punch. I like it. I can’t carry my powerades because it’s too heavy. I am taking one bottle though.

I need to go through my coloring books because they are heavy for some reason and I don’t want my back to be hurting me while I am in there. I packed a suitcase for my clothes and a backpack for books and cords and stuff. It’s been packed for months now because I was supposed to go in Feb, then March but one thing or another prevented me from going. I just hope my foot isn’t in severe pain like it was a few weeks ago. I would have gone in then.

I usually have at least one hospitalization a year. It has been that way since I was a teenager. It gives me a respite and a break while also giving me some routine to the day. I sometimes follow the same routine when I get discharged. Only thing is, I take more naps while in because the meds make me sleepy or I am just bored. Weekends are horrible because there are no groups or anything. Just a bunch of free time. I don’t think I will have any visitors. I usually don’t. I don’t have my family visit because it just annoys me, especially when my mother comes. She asks a million questions and then tries to get answers from the staff. I don’t let her visit. This is why I usually pack everything I can so I don’t have to bother my sister with it.

I might be able to get one of my cousins to take me home when I get discharged. If not, I will just take the T (public transportation). I have done it before, even though it’s a pain in the ass. Getting to the ED won’t be a problem but getting home usually is because it’s farther west of Boston, which means more bus and train rides.

I really don’t want to do anything today. I am so tired and I just woke up. I hate it when I more tired than when I went to bed. I had slept good so I should be more awake. Maybe I will make some coffee and that will perk me up some. The rain has cooled off but it’s still muggy in the house. Going to be fun being in the kitchen making the sauce.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to rough morning

  1. G. Collerone says:

    Me too. I still have flare ups while here. Fucking want to chop off my ankle!

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope your hospitalisation is ok and that you benefit from it. I know it can be hit and miss. I’m glad you’ll have your phone at least. xx

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