random 15112017

Random 15112017

Today was my sister’s birthday, which concludes birthday month for my father’s side of the family. There are more birthdays on my mother’s side than I know what to do with. November, I guess, was the month to be born. I didn’t want to go downstairs as I felt crummy and I was in pain. I didn’t go to sleep until after 0230 and pretty much slept all day.

Tomorrow I go for my bone scan. I hope they find something that leads to some treatment to decrease my pain. I’ve had enough of dealing with it. I will be at the hospital most of the morning and part of the afternoon as it is a 5 hour long test. I hope it is shorter than that but who knows. I won’t know until I am there.

I wanted to go to the grocery store but it was late when I got up and I didn’t feel like showering or going out. Tomorrow is going to rain. I just feel so fatigued. I barely have energy to write this. I just want to go to bed and never wake up again.

I got the song “one number away” going round and round in my head. So I have it on repeat now to drown out the noise. I hate it when a song is on repeat in my head.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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