astronomical pain and blacking out

If my pain was bad when I woke up at 11, it is astronomical now. I am seeing stars. Honestly think I blacked out on the way home as I have no clue how I got there until my mother called while on the bus. Must have been on auto pilot when I left the stinking clinic. I know my ankle pain went nuts shortly after I left his office and it’s fuzzy from there. Thank God I wasn’t driving. I honestly don’t think I have ever been in this much pain before.

The psychologist said that he doesn’t believe that I misuse, abuse, or sell my drugs. And he was going to put that in his notes. I felt good about that. He wanted me to go to some functional program but I honestly don’t know what the benefit would be. He talked about getting around the work issues with the ADA, American Disability Act. I really don’t want to go back to my job as it was just too stressful. I don’t know what else I would do. He mentioned some vocational program and I was like whatever. I just want to go to Starbucks and write. He said there is no longer a doc that will prescribe opioids and that usually they discuss with me what they want and then go to my PCP for them to prescribe it. The good news is that I will see this doc Friday. I don’t know how long it will take to finagle getting my PCP to agree to it is another matter. The psychologist did want to taper me off my meds but yet he said I wasn’t on a high dose of meds. So that part was weird. Why taper me if I am not on a high dose to begin with?? I was frustrated with the appointment as nothing got done.

I am still hurting pretty bad. I just took my night meds so I am hoping to get to sleep early tonight. I wanted to sleep early last night but that never happened. I was up all night and only had about 5 hours of broken sleep. I am tired though so maybe I will sleep. I don’t know anymore. It all depends on what my ankle wants to do. I really want my pain to be controlled better than what it is now, not taken off what I am on. There was talk again of hyperalgesia. I honestly don’t think that is happening. I think they like to think that happens because they can’t explain how pain really goes on.

any thoughts?

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