yet another painsomnia night

Yet another Painsomnia night

I didn’t go to sleep till 5 am this morning. I was up all night in pain. My damn foot and ankle were having a contest as to who was going to hurt me more. Around maybe 4 I decided to put on the ace brace and noticed my foot was really puffy looking, probably why it was hurting so bad. I then decided to have some crumpets because I was hungry. I then tried to sleep.

I didn’t sleep, maybe 4 hours. Then I was a hungry maniac. I had more crumpets, waffles and then some chips with dip. I had two glasses of mango orange juice and a cup of tea. I was hoping the tea would keep me up but nope. I went up to my room and slept for a few more hours. I woke up because I had to pee really bad. I went to the bathroom and it was like I could not stop peeing, at all. It just kept flowing. After like 10 minutes, it stopped. I went again about a half hour later. My bladder hurts so bad from the strain. I have no idea what is going on. I have no idea if my pain meds or the baclofen I have been taking is affecting my bladder or it is just my nerves going berserk. Either way I need to see a urologist but I am so scared of the testing involved. Urodynamic testing is not fun. They use a catheter and fill and empty your bladder. Then they fill it again and you need to void in front of a nurse. Last time they filled me up and I could not pee for the life of me. It was an hour or two before I was finally able to void. I was on serious pain meds at the time so they couldn’t tell if it was neurogenic bladder or retention caused by opiates. I am scared this is what is going to happen again, which is why I have been avoiding having this test done. Not to mention that I have a trauma history and it freaks me out. I had a uro that I was seeing at another hospital, but every time I set up the appointment, he got called away to an emergency. After the third time, I didn’t reschedule.

My back was doing somewhat better, until I sat down on my bed with the bunched up blankets under my butt cheek. That flared me up again. I just took some ibuprofen. Any kind of muscle thing and I am hurting for a while. I hate it. I have to be so careful the next few weeks.

My sister has been calling me a nanny because I take care of my niece while she is out. I think it’s so funny. She wants me to check on her and make sure she does her homework. I just made a cup of tea and wanted to listen to the game. Guess I will be going to watch it on her big screen TV. Being a nanny has some perks!

I hope I can sleep tonight. I really don’t want another night of horrid no sleep. I know last night was because I took my night meds late and I was sitting for more than three hours with my family. Actually, sitting more than three hours anywhere will cause me to have a flare at night. There is nothing I can do about it. Just happens.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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