hope this isn’t another painsomnia night

Hope this isn’t another Painsomnia night

Red Sox game ended a little after 2200. We won 7-3. I was worried about the first baseman, Ramirez as he missed the bag on a play and caused a runner to be safe. But then he made a few good plays so I worried a little less. Last year he rarely played first base except in interleague games, which this was and when he did, he wasn’t great at it.

Soon after the game ended and I went to settle in for the night, my foot and ankle bone flared like it did last night, at around the same time. I just wrote a message to my psychiatrist saying I was sick of the pain and might need a urologist. I would see my PCP but he hasn’t really gained my trust in his care for me. I feel like he just wants to pawn me off with whatever issue I have but be in the loop so he knows what is going on. I really don’t feel comfortable talking to him about this. I might see a urologist at another hospital. I found one that is female. She isn’t interested in neurourology but does have an interest in bladder dysfunction so I think that is close. If I am not up all night, I will call sometime tomorrow to set up an appointment. Hopefully I won’t need a medical referral to see her.

I am really tired. I took a strong pain pill so I hope it eases my pain soon. I really want to sleep. I took my meds around 1900, but if I have a flare, that doesn’t guarantee I will be asleep by midnight. It makes me so angry when my pain spikes. I really wanted to punch the hell out of my pillow but felt silly doing it. I don’t know why. No one is in my room but I feel like the voices will judge me. They watch me all the time and criticize everything I do.

I am so annoyed with my laptop when it doesn’t do what I want to do. Sometimes I am amazed I have flung it out the window or against the wall. Stupid thing. I still don’t know why I picked a small hard drive and a low RAM. I know the money was an issue and the price seemed right but I figured I could upgrade. HA that turned out to be a joke. I still need to call Dell and have them tell me what are the components of this piece of shit. It doesn’t match the manual at all. I don’t want to buy a hard drive and have it be something else I can’t use. I still need to sell my RAM that I bought. I figure $50 will be better than nothing. It is just a pain to post something on Amazon. But once it is done, it usually sells quickly. Then I am scrambling to the post office to mail it out.

If I am not up all night and I don’t have too much back pain, I hope to make muffins tomorrow. I’ve been wanting to make these for a while but just haven’t had the time to do it. I hope they come out good and big. I hate when muffins come out small. I really don’t know what the trick is to have muffin tops. But then I am not a good baker.

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