Just some random nonsense

Tree across the street from me that fell during a storm last summer. Thought it looked cool with the snow on it.

Just some random nonsense

Because of the storm, I think plows were on my street at like 4. I woke up to a beeping noise. When I went to turn over to check the time, holy fucking pain. My ankle did not like the pressure I was putting on it to move. It felt like I was ripping my ankle off. That kept me up for a couple of hours. Then I got hungry and made a peanut butter and jelly wrap. I was able to get back to sleep.

My niece didn’t have school today because of the snow. When I woke up later, I went downstairs to check on her. She was on her laptop and I asked her if she ate. She said some gummy snacks. I asked her if she wanted eggs and she said yes. I made them for her and she ate them. I went back upstairs to make myself some coffee. I wasn’t really hungry. I just had some cookies while drinking my coffee. My mother was annoying me with the loudness of the TV. I wanted to go out but it was still snowing. I am glad I have an appt tomorrow so I can leave the house. I can’t stand the TV anymore. She has to have it on, even if she is not even watching the damn thing.

I’ve been fighting the urge to sleep since I got up around 11. Even after my coffee, I felt so tired. I took the recycle out and went downstairs with some recycles to put in the bin. The bin was outside as my brother in law had put it out for today. I just reached it when my ankle decided it had enough of me walking. It hurt so bad. I wheeled the bin to our driveway and then limped back to the house to see if my niece was hungry. She wasn’t so I went back upstairs. I didn’t want to do a damn thing at this point, except cut my damn ankle off. I read twitter and then my sister called me to check on my niece. I told her things were okay.

I feel so weak from fatigue. I can’t stand waking up in the middle of the night or staying up all night in pain anymore. I am sure I am draining my stress hormones by not getting a good night sleep.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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