3 am and I can’t sleep

3 am and I can’t sleep.

I woke up about an hour ago. I had to pee and can’t seem to go back to sleep. I had been sleeping most of the day. I just have been so tired. I haven’t eaten much either. If I am still up in the morning I will order breakfast burritos from McD’s. I haven’t had them in a long while.

Yesterday was a momentous day. We finally have a decent president and vice president in the office. The loser is out, though I still don’t know if he conceded or not yet. He probably won’t which will be no surprise but will be sad. I was happy I found out when I woke up in the morning. We have a female vice president. I can’t believe it. I am so happy.

I haven’t been reading my books like I have. I sort of lost interest. It is also hard to concentrate. I have been depressed the past week or so. I just don’t feel like doing anything. It is so hard to when your back is cramping all the time like it is now. I already took some Zanaflex but now I will take some Ativan. I should just take the Ativan as it works better.

I am not sure what I want to do today. I need to empty my trash and recycles to the bin. I think that will be my only goal for today. I also need a shower and to pick up my meds so we’ll see how that goes. My psychiatrist increased the Latuda and I need to pick up the changed dose. He wanted me to be on a 60 mg dose. I haven’t had side effects other than with my bowels. It has been causing some loose stool happening.

Yesterday I was down all day. I had a bowel accident and I just felt really terrible about it. I just slept all day. My back was bothering me so it was a good day to just lay low. I stayed off social media but was happy to find hear that Cora is now the manager of the Sox again. That made my day. I can’t wait till February when Spring Training starts. I hope they have a normal start and this Covid shit is gone. I don’t think it will be gone till late 2021. I hope we can have a vaccine by then but there is no guarantee about that. The virus just doesn’t stay in your system long enough for antibodies to hold on. Least that is what I keep reading.

Monday I have an appointment with a surgeon for a hysterectomy consult. I am nervous about it but it should be straight forward. I just hope she can take it out of me and then I don’t have to worry about the useless organ again.

any thoughts?

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