what a night and day

What a night and day

I woke up to the phone ringing around 0200. It was my mother but I was half a sleep and didn’t think anything of it. She called again for me to come to her room. She had low blood sugar and needed her testing supplies as well as some juice. Her sugar was 64. I changed her bed as they were wet from sweat. I made sure she was okay and then went back to my room. I couldn’t go back to sleep. I was playing with my phone. She called me again about an hour later and she was puking up the OJ. She has a cold and it makes her gag when she coughs. She had threw up all over herself and the bed. Changed her and the sheets. Her sugar was higher so that was good.

I stayed up most of the night checking on her. Having a low sugar attack makes her feel cold so I got her some more blankets to warm her up. I slept around 5 or 6 only to wake up a few hours later. My sister had called and said she couldn’t get through. I told her she was on the phone and that was probably why. I got up to make sure. She was talking to someone on the phone when I went to the bathroom. I felt like shit. I started making my mother breakfast and almost went asleep. She said she could handle it so I went up to my room and pretty much stayed there until noon. I was hungry but didn’t know what to eat. I decided to have a bagel with the cream cheese filling I made for the cookies that were a disaster. It was okay, a little too sweet but good. I then went up my room and slept the day away.

My mother called me around 1630 to find out what I wanted for supper. I wasn’t hungry. I stayed in bed for another hour and then made a microwave dinner. I was kind of hungry so made some microwave popcorn. I watched TV and all the commercials were for weight loss. This person lost 30 pounds, this one 20, etc. What they don’t tell you is how much the food costs to join their system, which is more than what you would buy in the grocery store. I watched a couple episodes of MASH then washed the dishes in the sink for my mother. She has no voice and is wheezing from the cold. I think it will turn into a chest cold soon. I just hope I don’t get it.

I helped my sister make my mother’s bed. My ankle freaked out. Now I am ready for bed, again. I hope tonight is better than last.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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