Category: baseball

Saturday Blog 28

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 28

Listening to the ball game. We are currently leading 5-0. I don’t believe it. The way the season has gone, it is a miracle they are in the winning column right now. Usually it’s a reverse. Now the question becomes, can they hold on to the lead? Of course not!

I haven’t showered in a few days. I need to do so today. I think I will after I finish this blog. I have gone out today to get my prescriptions. I couldn’t pick get them yesterday because they were having electrical issues. A transformer blew on the main road in my town so the businesses were out of power. I meant to get some snacks but didn’t. Now I am too hot and tired to go back to the store. When I came home, my brother in law asked me to watch my niece. I did. He will be getting me half and half. I hope he gets the half gallon and not the quart like he did last time.

Finally finished “Chamber of Secrets”. It might have taken me about a week to do but I finished it. As I was reading it, I was keeping an ear out on the game. The starting pitcher gave up four runs. The Sox still have the lead, but barely. Bases are loaded with Sox now, with Bogey at the plate. Only one run scores though. The second run that tries to score is out at the plate. Sox up 7-4. Sox scored a couple of more runs. It’s now 9-6. I am so glad the manager of the Rays is someone other than Joe Maddon. I cannot stand Maddon. I prefer ARod over him, that is how much I can’t stand him. He plays dirty and I just don’t like him, though he thinks he plays fair. Now the idiot is the Cubs manager.

I have been thinking about starting another letter for my therapist to read. I really don’t feel like having therapy anymore. I don’t know if I need it. I forgot to discuss this with my psychiatrist yesterday. I just don’t think it is worth talking anymore. I haven’t been getting anything out of it other than frustration. We are coming up to our 15th year anniversary. I have never been with someone this long before. We know each other fairly well. For the most part, we don’t argue that much. Only time we argue is about my safety and my suicidality. Thing that gets me is that my therapist, I think, has an anxiety problem she refuses to acknowledge. She gets very nervous with me and it prevents “therapy” from happening.

Disgusted

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, suicide attempt

Sox just lost, again. I know I should be sleeping but wanted to know the final score before turning in. They just suck so bad. They keep talking about selling but I’m not sure I know what that means. I just know if they want to salvage the season some serious changes need to happen, like getting a new hitting coach. The already got a new pitching coach so why not a hitting coach. That will solve the other problem they have, hitting! And maybe if they string enough hits, it might lead to runs, which might lead to wins.

I was going over my blogs tonight and found I had another delusional spell back in 2012. Thing is, I don’t remember it at all. I wrote about it but even then it’s cryptic.

I saw my father today and he held me hostage until he took his pills and drank some coffee. I guess he just wanted someone to talk to for a bit. I had the time. I usually am rushed as I just want to do his pills and then get the hell out of there. I usually have an appt with my therapist but not this week. She is still on vacation. She will be back next week though.

I am at the big train station as I will be going south of Boston to have dinner with friends. I just finished lunch and am trying to muster up the energy to write. Its wicked hot here so I am kind of uncomfortable. If it was 10 degrees cooler I might be able to have energy to write.

I brought the printout of what I wrote about the delusions. I’m hoping to work on it but don’t know if I will. I have been up since early this morning and I’m kind of dragging. Maybe a coffee will perk me up.

Sports and Other Things

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Been trying to write today but keep being distracted by Twitter. A lot has been going on today in the sports world. Deflategate has resurfaced and in baseball news, the pitching coach was fired. In addition to that, my *favorite* pitcher got designated for assignment, which means goodbye, see ya, hope to never see you again. He was a good for nothing pitcher, giving up home runs with inherited runners, all the time. He lost more ball games than I can remember winning. Or if we were losing, made sure we really lost. But the firing of the pitching coach, to me, was unexpected. I understand as the pitchers barely went more than three innings the last few games and it’s hard on the bullpen to be called earlier than they should start. Someone had to get chucked and it was the pitching coach. I am sure the hitting coach is probably next if the Sox don’t start hitting. You need good pitchers and hitters to win games, even if it is by one run.

Deflategate is back because the NFL just ruled that the Patriots and their quarterback was “probable” in deflating the balls for a game. No punishment has been issued, officially, but the haters want to see them stripped of the Superbowl title, the QB suspended 2-4 games to a year and the head coach fired. It is ridiculous. I don’t know what is going to happen. I just wish they would hurry up and make a decision so this can all go away. I know every single game this season is going to bring up the deflated balls. I usually don’t listen to the commentary because the game is so fast. I am watching the game more than listening to the “analysis” or prediction of what is going to happen next. It really is stupid. What happens, happens. Next play the QB could trip on his own feet and there is a fumble rather than a great play. You just don’t know. Though the game is a little bit more predictable than baseball. You know the QB is going to throw the ball to someone and hope he catches it.

There is not a Sox game tonight because it is a travel day. They are usually off on Thursdays. I am kind of depressed that there is no game because I have literally nothing to watch. I could watch my shows but my mother is still watching hers. I won’t be able to get the TV until after eight. But my foot/ankle is hurting so unless I got to go to the bathroom, I am not leaving my room.

I had therapy for the third time this week. We talked but it didn’t go anywhere. I swear whenever she says “this is something we need to work on”, I cringe because I know it’s not going anywhere beyond today. I really want to tell her this, but I just let her finish her thoughts on the subject and let them land where they may. Today’s topic was how not to get guilt tripped by my mother and I had to laugh because she, my therapist, guilt trips me all the time. It was a hard session because physically, I didn’t feel well. I kept on getting congested and the post nasal drip was making me very nauseated. There were times during session I couldn’t speak because I didn’t know if I was going to puke or not. Allergies are in full range today and my nose kept on dripping. This is despite taking an antihistamine that is supposed to last 24 hours. Lately, it has been lasting only 18-20. I was also feeling dizzy most of the day, which is weird. I have been keeping up with my fluids so I am not sure why I was dizzy.

Today was the first day in a long time I woke up early (around 0500) and then went back to sleep! It was only for a couple of hours but I went back to sleep. And I didn’t take a mid-morning nap like I usually do. I did try to take an afternoon nap before I picked up my niece but that didn’t work out. I just rested. I still haven’t heard back from my psychiatrist concerning my delusions and what to do with them. I should have paged her last night. I was really in bad shape but I am better today. I talked about it with my therapist as I was paranoid after our session and the voices were watching me most of the day. I ended up taking my meds early and was asleep before ten or there abouts. So I slept almost seven hours straight. I hope to get that much tonight.

Technology and I

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, Bipolar Disorder, chronic physical pain, depression

Technology and I

I would like to think myself as tech savvy but my recent experience with Tumblr proved me wrong. Like Instagram, I cannot figure it out, but was able to get my blog linked to it. That is as far as I got. I followed a few people, mostly just two people that I know: Wil Wheaton and Taylor Swift. I think the third would be George Takei. He was in my feed as well. So three people out of a billion. I don’t have many friends that I know that use this app. I don’t even know how to post on it or communicate. I am failing miserably at technology. But I do know all things Twitter and Facebook, which is the main forms of communication these days. I just don’t get that many responses on Twitter like I do Facebook sometimes. And because my phone is getting ancient, I can’t download the latest Starbucks app. It keeps having download error while installing. I miss that app.

I wasn’t sure I was going to blog today because I have been feeling shitty all day. Ankle and bowels have been acting up. Well, the ankle is. My bowels are stagnant and they hurt. In other words, I am constipated to the high heavens. It is very uncomfortable. I have been drinking water to try and loosen things up but to no avail. I haven’t gone in three days. I went a little bit earlier today but I still am backed up. I can feel it. Wish technology can help me out but it can’t. I don’t think the senna is working like it used to. I even have been taking fiber pills to get things moving. No luck.

It sucks when you take so many meds that constipate you. It’s really hard to keep on top of. I used to have a good routine but when I stop having to take the senna because I have to go out, that is when the trouble starts. I get backed up for a day and then two, then three, and now I am sick and uncomfortable. Plus because my bowel doesn’t work the way it normally does, it makes it harder for shit to move down the shoot. Got to love having an impaired bowel on top of being constipated.

I haven’t been in a good mood today. I really just want to sleep. Sleep and never wake up. I had what can now be called my usual sleeping pattern of waking up in the wee hours of the morning and then going back to sleep around eight. I got up around noon because I was starving. I made a bacon and cheese sandwich. I usually enjoy these sandwiches but today I could hardly finish it. I had some ice cream afterwards because I wanted something sweet. It was all I ate before dinner. I didn’t even want to eat dinner tonight which was stir fry chicken and rice. I mostly just ate the rice. It was all that I could stomach. Then I came up to my room and I thought I was going to puke it all up. I know it’s because I am so backed up. I haven’t had a good movement in a week. It sucks. I wonder if my sleep is causing the constipation to be worse. I just need to be in a routine again. I might have to start taking magnesium supplements again. That helps me. It won’t hurt and might also help the leg pain I have been having. I just hate being so miserable all the time. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I can never find a happy medium.

Today was a good day as far as the weather is concerned. It was really bright with sunshine and very warm. I think it hit 80 degrees today. It’s supposed to be warm all week. I guess pretty soon I will have to make room for my brother in law to put in the AC. I still need to vacuum my room a little bit. Been meaning to do so for a while but just am so lazy and unmotivated.

In Red Sox news, Hanley has just injured himself and left today’s game. There goes the season if he is placed on the DL. Not like the season is going good anyways, but to lose his power in the lineup, just sucks. I know it’s still early in the season and we are a long way off from October but the way things have been going, there is just no way I can see this team making it to the post season. It’s just going to be another horrible year. And my heart breaks. I know you can’t win every game, but a few in a row wouldn’t hurt!