Category: CRPS

a going off blog

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression, mood disorders

A going off blog

I am just going to bitch about the problems in my life today because I have a therapist I can’t really talk to at times because she intimidates me. I have been slowly getting the recycle in my room together to be thrown in the recycle to be picked up tomorrow. It might seem like I am a hoarder but I am not. I just get overwhelmed and I don’t want the criticism that I drink too much Gatorade every single time I bring down the recycles. I have one bag of trash that needs to be thrown out. The problem is that the blood pressure medication that I am taking has been causing me heart rate problems. My heart rate went up to 156 and all I did was bend down to get something off the floor and when I stood up, I got wicked palpitations and heart racing. I sent a message to my doc that I want to be back on the beta blocker I was to control my BP. It was 142/94 today so the medication isn’t helping just causing problems/side effects.

I sent a message to my psychiatrist last night because I was so fed up with being in pain and being tired all the time because I am not sleeping during the night. I fought fatigue most of the day yesterday and didn’t nap. Last night was the same deal. I woke up around 0130 to pee and I couldn’t go back to sleep. I tried to stay off my phone even though I had messages. My psychiatrist wrote back saying that he supports me. I told him I hadn’t showered in days or brushed my teeth. Last night before bed I did brush my teeth. I haven’t done so today yet. I still need to shower. I stink because I was sweating yesterday. I also need to shave. My stubble is going to turn into a beard soon if I don’t.

My ribs are hurting. Actually everything on my left side is hurting. During dinner I put heat on my shoulder. My mother made pork chops and mashed potatoes. It was good. Now I just want to listen to some music and maybe read a bit before taking my night meds. I haven’t touched my book all week. So much for setting aside reading time. I can’t help it sometimes I am just too tired to read. I got 11 days to finish it. I want to try and read one book a month.

therapy and covid

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, cauda equina syndrome, chronic physical pain, COVID19, CRPS, depression

Therapy and covid

I got a message this morning from my surgeon. He said my CT looks good and that I am healing. If I have pain to see him so next week I will see him (provided my Covid test is negative) as I still have pain in my arm. Since my last PT session, I have had less pain but my arm muscles are still sore for whatever reason.

My PT got back to me. She wants to see me in person and to call the front desk to see if this is possible. It isn’t possible because they are going by the 14 day rule rather than current CDC guidelines. I made an appointment for five more sessions. I took a shower today and my arm is hurting from moving my arm to wash up and wash my hair. I wanted to shave my underarms as a forest is there but I couldn’t lift my arm high enough to do it so said fuck it.

I had therapy today. We talked about my sister and her hissy fits. She wants me to not take blame when she goes off on something. I said I will try. She said that she is going back to virtual full time again because the cases are getting big again. Hospital wants to minimize traffic. I would have seen her today if I didn’t have to isolate because of my nephew having covid.

The only medication I have taken on “time” today has been my 4pm meds. I have taken my morning and T shot late. I actually almost forgot to take it until I looked at the calendar. My bladder urge has been horrible today. I either get it and can’t cath or I get it while I am cathing, which hasn’t been good as urine has gone down my leg today. Shower helped clear my nose and eyes for a bit. The dust in my room was really getting to me. Eyes were tearing while I was in therapy.

I don’t know why my left elbow is hurting me. It has to be because of the arm muscles being tight. I have been bad about using heat the past few days. I have the heat pack in the kitchen but I don’t like to spend time there because of Covid isolation. I have been drinking my coffee in my room most days.  I have been trying to keep up with fluids as I don’t know if this running nose I have today is cold or covid or allergies. I don’t feel sick. I am my usual brand of tired. I took a Benadryl to see if this is allergies and now I am sneezing so it might be a cold. I slept till 830 this morning because I shut my phone off. I had a few messages. I am glad I shut it off because the surgeon called before 8 am and I would have been pissed if he woke me up.

I have a can of corn chowder that I think I am going to have for supper. Just hope we have enough milk.

new year new positive

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, COVID19, CRPS, depression

New Year new positive

So my nephew is positive for Covid and so we need to isolate for the next week or so. I will have to test one of these days but I am not sure where to go as the place I went to in the past is closed. I will have to call my doctor’s office and find out where to go.

I have been going through my inbox trying to clean it out. I have 48 unread messages, down from 60. I also have been sending read mail either to the trash or to read mail for archive. I haven’t gone through all 100+ emails yet but I am sure by day’s end, it will be cleaned up.

I plan on reading more this week. I have less than 100 pages in the Medical Apartheid book I am reading. I can’t wait to be done with this book because it is so sad and angering. I plan on reading Rory O’Connor’s book When it is darkest next. It is about his suicide research and about suicide in general. I heard it was good and I have followed Rory’s research the past several years now. He is based in Scotland.

I still need to do my meds for the week. I got to call my pcp office tomorrow. I don’t know who will be prescribing meds for me from now on as my PCP has left the practice. I don’t know if I will need to be seen because my heart rate has been in the 100s the past few days. I have stopped the new meds and my blood pressure was high this morning. I will have to check it again tomorrow and see what it is.

The new box of catheters I opened has a lot of defective caths in it. So far there have been five in the box. I took a pic of the lot number I plan on sending to the company when I am done with it because there may be more in there that I don’t know about yet. I have an appointment with the uro NP this week. It will be good to see her to check in. Things have been going okay so far. I still have the bladder pain when I empty but I guess that is just something I have to live with. I am glad I got my uterus taken out so I don’t have to guess anymore where the pain is coming from.

My shoulder pain has been mild the past few days. Taking Excedrin has been so helpful. I cannot put on sweatshirts/hoodies. It hurts too much to pull the shirt down. I also hurt when pulling up my pants so I got to be careful about how high I go. I cannot scratch my left boob or side without excruciating pain. I am glad I have a back scratcher for my back itch. I am glad it is settling down some. Still two weeks before I see the surgeon.

I think because I have been taking extra pain meds my CRPS pain has been down. My ankle hasn’t been as flared up as it usually is. It will still get cold and I will have to wear socks to warm it up and keep it warm.

therapy and pain and shoulder and and

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, CRPS, depression

Therapy and pain and shoulder and and

So my third pair of glasses were delivered this morning around 0830. I have been up since 6 when I had to get up to pee. I didn’t want to go back to sleep because then I would feel shitty for the rest of the day. I didn’t want coffee just yet so just charged my phone and read Twitter. There were three packages when the mail was delivered, all for me. My cousin gave me THE OSU sweatshirt! It was the best present. He said it was from my godmother. I was close to tears but they wouldn’t fall. I thought we would discuss this in therapy but other stuff got discussed.

I wanted to go to the grocery store for coffee and half and half so I left. I took a bus there and then took a cab home as I knew I wouldn’t be able to carry the stuff home. My mother wanted eggs as she was making cookies so I got four dozen. I also completed the last of my Christmas shopping by picking up Ferraro candy for my niece.

I just chilled a bit when I came home from the grocery store. I still had to figure out a way to wrap my mother’s present, which didn’t come in a box like I thought it would. So I had one of my prescription boxes that was small enough and put it in there then put it in a larger box then put it in another box that I intended to wrap the gift in. I gave the box to my mother to wrap telling her not to open it.

I was in a lot of pain with my shoulder so I contemplated going to therapy. I asked the therapist and she said it was up to me. I knew if I didn’t show up, I wasn’t going to see her till the new year as she is on vacation next week. She said with patients like me she needs a month off, and I laughed because I knew she was right and not kidding. She told me I was messaging her too much and that I needed to journal more. She wants me to be more independent and less dependent on her. I have a problem with this. I’ve always depended on my therapist to be there and if she isn’t going to be there for me, wtf. She seems to think that she is only available during the 45 mins we are in session and no time in between. I have a problem with this. I have always been able to reach my therapists outside of session when I needed to. Granted the times I have been in touch with her are not urgent but still I like to convey things to her during the week. It is hard not to think about her when I am processing my recovery.

The thing that gets me is that this therapist never asks questions about me. Like she isn’t interested in me. I only have to speak my mind for the session to continue. My previous therapist of 16 years was all about me. She wanted to know what I was doing 24/7. We kept in touch even though we ended. It still hurts that we ended. I never processed her leaving me. And I never will with this therapist. She makes me feel like she is uninterested in me, just another slot in her calendar. Like I am unimportant. I know I should probably find someone else but it is so hard to find someone that is willing to take me on and that takes my insurance and is within T range.

I got a hold of the shoulder surgeon’s secretary today. I am scheduled for the arthrogram tomorrow. I am scared shitless. I looked up how it is done and I am feeling a little bit better about it but I know it is going to be painful as fuck. I plan on taking 2 mg of Ativan before the procedure and 2 BT meds afterwards. I just hope I can carry my water bottle. I also need to make sure I do have my water bottle because my uro wants another urine sample to make sure I don’t have an infection. I had planned on starting the vaginal estrogen tomorrow as I want to shower but it will have to be postponed. Seeing as I need to put this on twice a week and after I bathe, I think showering Tues and Thurs is a good idea and easy to remember. I just don’t know if it will mess up the test results so best not to put it on tomorrow.

I am fucking tired as fuck right now. I just took my night meds. I was late again in taking them. I like to take them between 7 and 730p because for some reason, that is when they work best and I am usually in bed by 10 the latest, if not before. I didn’t brush my teeth this morning so I am going to do so before bed when I empty my bladder before attempting to sleep.