Category: depression

Sleepy Sunday

I have been sleeping most of today. It has been too hot to do anything. I had my brother in law pick up my meds at the pharmacy. I didn’t feel like walking in the heat. I slept in four hour increments last night, both time broken up because I had to pee.

One of my Twitter buddies sent me stickers as a promo for her book that is coming out I think next month. I can’t wait to get it. Then my transgender stickers came today from Amazon. I am going to have fun with these, putting them on everything.

I bought a new pillow and omg it is so comfortable. I fall asleep so fast on it. I really love it. I didn’t make any headway in clearing off my bed today. I was too tired from being up in the middle of the night. I started writing in my journal around 5 to calm down so I could sleep. Writing usually helps me get back to sleep during the night.

Saturday Blog 05062021

I watched a dear friend’s grandfather get his diploma on zoom. It was wonderful to see his family again. I really miss them. I also spent time with my aunt who I consider family because she has been there growing up. She was being respectful of my pronouns and calling me my name. I love her for this.

I took a walk to the pharmacy today. I have taken a short walk all week. The weather has been beautiful but muggy and hot. We had a downpour yesterday but I was able to beat it out. I don’t think there is rain in the forecast until next week, though with the temps being supposedly 94 tomorrow there might be a thunderstorm if the humidity gets high enough. I should have looked at when my T could be refilled. I have to make sure I have at least two vials on hand because of the increased dose. I am going to go for bloodwork next week. I have been putting it off for some time now.

I finally got a name for my book. I am going to try and work on it tomorrow. I still wish I could go to a Starbucks and just sit and write while having a latte. I really miss going there. I miss walking around without getting winded too. I was so winded when I came back from the pharmacy. Took a little while for me to catch my breath again.

I took a four hour nap and now I am awake at 2300. I just took my night meds. I heard the alarm go off and said 5 more minutes but that turned into 3 hours. I had to pee. For the first time in a week the urgency wasn’t powerful but the flow was kind of hesitant so I think the antibiotics are working. I haven’t taken pyridium today. I wanted to see if I still hurt and if the urge was uncontrollable. House is hotter than an oven. I don’t get how my mother can stand it with her heart condition. Tomorrow is supposed to be 94, even hotter than today. I hate summer. I cannot stand heat. It drives me crazy.

I got no plans for tomorrow other than picking up my T. I am going to try and clear off my bed so I can change my sheets. I got to see if one of my sets is where I think it is. The other one I have out has been worn thin. It didn’t last very long. My PT said that I can use just a sheet instead of a fitted sheet but I don’t think I could take making my bed every day with that business. Bad enough the foam topping has come off so half of it took my sheets with them and left my mattress uncovered. I can’t stand looking at it but it’s hard to put it back to where it goes.

It’s Friday

I feel like today should be Saturday. This week just feels so long. I had an up and down day yesterday. I was glad my podcast went out. My friend said that it was the 2^nd most listened to. I haven’t listened to the final cut yet. But if you have, please leave a comment on here. Would love to know what you thought of it.

I got into a fight with my sister. She had pots on the table for days and then started yelling at me because I was sitting in the kitchen. I don’t know where they belonged so I didn’t put them away and when I told her this she flipped out on me. Then my mother got funny after eating dinner. She became lethargic, her vision was blurred, speech was slurred, and she felt weak. My nephew got worried and called an ambulance. My mother laid down and as EMS came, she came out of it. I don’t know if she had a TIA or not. She refused to go back to the hospital as she just came home just a few hours ago. My stupid brother in law thinks it is because of the blockages in her heart. That isn’t the reason she became like she did. Otherwise she would be like that as long as her heart remained blocked.

I was just feeling like shit afterwards. I was tired but couldn’t sleep because my AC was making a high pitched noise. I think I am going to have to get a new one. I should have bought it when I had the stimulus money. It isn’t making noise now and is working pretty good. I still can only have high and low settings though. It is an old AC.

I fell asleep some how and then had woken up around 2230 to pee. It still hurts and my doc finally sent in a script for antibiotics. I haven’t gotten the report yet but maybe he did and decided to treat me. I got them today and took my first dose. I have to take it twice a day for the next seven days. I hope I will start to feel better in a few days. This pain that I am feeling all the time sucks. Peeing every couple of hours sucks more. Been a week now that this has been happening. I hate it. Just grateful I haven’t peed myself and made it to the toilet in time all the times the urges have been powerful.

I told my therapist I didn’t want to see her after she texted me with a time change for next week. She said let’s talk about it so I agreed and then I sent her a message saying that I think it is time to move on. I told my psychiatrist and supposedly he will try and find me a new therapist but I am not hopeful. I think he wants me to stick with the one I have now and I just can’t. 45 minutes/wk is not enough time for me. She wants me to go to group but I don’t find groups beneficial. I think they are a waste of time. Nothing gets done in group except whatever the agenda happens to be. It’s rarely a place where I feel I can express what I am feeling to others and get support.