This pic was my viral pic. It got 5,000 likes. I am proud of this. Got it from https://shopdinosaur.com/
Transphobia
Category: depression
Locked out of Twitter
I’ve been having Twitter app problems since twitter installed fleek, its 24hr story thing, on one of its updates. Since then, the app has been freezing causing me to close it to get it to work again. Yesterday was all the time I logged on so decided to uninstall/reinstall. That went great until I got logged out of Twitter. I have a 2 factor verification and I haven’t received a text message. So I contacted support as I couldn’t access the back up codes. For some reason once I was logged out on my phone, my laptop logged me out too. I miss my Twitter buddies. If any of my Twitter buddies want to get in touch with me I created a new account @ midnightdemon75.
I had groceries delivered today. I have been exhausted because no one told me a side effect of the vaccine was insomnia. I was up from 1am Friday till around 2100 last night. I woke up and just wanted to stay in bed and would have if I didn’t have my grocery delivery. I am so exhausted it isn’t funny. My CRPS pain has flared up. I’ve been in pain since yesterday. Had to take gabapentin for the burning pain yesterday. And that still didn’t knock me out.
I got a UTI. I didn’t have symptoms of it till today. Every time I pee it hurts so bad. I took a urinary pain med so I haven’t been going so often. I got to wait till Mon to get treated for the sensitivities to come back. They should be back by now but it’s the weekend so no one is going to call me. I am not happy about this because my treatment for a UTI by the uro team has always been delayed. I just hope it doesn’t spread to my kidneys by Monday. Then I will really be sick.
I’m starting to nod off so I will stop here for now.
Love Story vs Don’t You
Love story vs don’t you
As you may know by now, I am a huge Taylor Swift fan. Her latest album, Fearless (Taylor’s version) has been playing since I have been able to download it to my phone. There are two songs I absolutely love. One is Love Story and the other is Don’t You. I am having a hard time deciding which to put on repeat because I want them both on my top 25 playlist. Right now the numbers are below 50 for Love Story and over 50 for Don’t You. (The numbers are how many times it has been played as recorded by my MP3 app.) I have been thinking of making a playlist with just those two songs so that I can listen to them back to back. I might just do that. Don’t You has been really talking to me, but not in a psychotic way. I just can really relate to this song so much. Taylor’s new music has been really good and there have been songs I can finally relate to. I feel like that her new music has been grown up as she is older now. My other dilemma with her music is that I follow her lyric bots for the album folklore and when a lyric plays and I don’t know the song, I want to listen to the album to know what the song is. It is driving me crazy not knowing.
It is almost 2am. I woke up an hour ago because of pain. And I had to pee as it has been six hours. I was able to void without cathing so I am happy about that. I am not happy I have a uti. My culture came back positive for bacteria. I haven’t heard from the NP yet if she is going to treat it or not. I have been feeling yucky the past two weeks since the cramping started. I have had busy back to back days and am really tired but cannot seem to sleep. I want to change my sheets but it will be a hassle as I have stuff on my bed again. I got Amazon packages surrounding my bed. I just have to take two downstairs to put on my porch. It is my new coffee that I love from Starbucks called Spring Day. It is limited so I bought a bunch while I had the money.
I was able to wake up early this morning to get my first vaccine shot. It took less than twenty minutes and I was early. I had to stay a little longer than the usual 15 minute observation period because I had an anaphylaxis reaction to ginger. Ginger is not in the vaccine but they wanted to be cautious because I had this reaction. The only reaction I am having right now is a sore arm and a headache which Tylenol helped very much. I had to ask my doctor if taking Tylenol on a daily basis is good. He said as long as I don’t go over the 2000 mg dose a day I am ok.
Don’t call me daughter 6
Don’t call me daughter 6
Yesterday I was in the kitchen with my mother and I was in a mood. I wasn’t feeling so great and just wanted to do what I needed to and go back to my room. My mother was there and asked what was wrong. She wanted me to talk to her. Fuck that. She lost that right when she refused to call me son. From now on I will correct her when she is misgendering me. But I am not going to talk to her for any reason other than what goes on in the house. I am not going to talk to her like I did before about my ailments and doctor appointments. She is getting to be the egg donor and if that is what it takes to cut off feelings from her then so be it.
I’ve been having a hard time with the cramps. I don’t know if they are uterine or bladder related but as an experiment, I cathed and felt relief at first only to have severe pain afterwards. I don’t know what to make of it and I have cathed since. Taking a double dose of Miralax was a bad idea. I had colon blow and woke up with crap in my pants. Luckily, I didn’t get any on the bed. I had to shower and what is worse my mother had to use the bathroom so I was so embarrassed. I need to time taking it right. Thing is it is so unpredictable when it works. It could be a few hours or could be a day. There is no time table to expect when to go.
I am still have cramps and being really down about it. I called my gyn to make an appointment for the exam. It is in May. I see the uro NP this week so I am going to tell her and ask for a urine culture to be done just to be sure I don’t have an infection that could be causing this. I really am not looking forward to surgery again but there is little choice I have. Once the offending organ is gone is should be apparent what is causing what. I doubled my bladder spasms pill yesterday to see if it would help and it did a little bit. Maybe this is bladder related. I won’t know until the uterus is gone. I got my bladder on a schedule again. I didn’t want to do it but I have gone past the six hours I am supposed to go. I can’t keep holding on to my urine for so long. It could be why I have spasms as well.
I wonder if my mother is ashamed of me and that is why she doesn’t want to call me son. It would make sense. I don’t get the sense she is proud of me. I just don’t understand why she can’t accept her child. This bothers me so much. When you bring it up to her, she is dismissive. Then I think about all the abuse she put me through and it just makes me so sad and angry. She used her trust as a mother to do her evil bidding of abusing and touching me when she had no right to touch or look. I get mad at my pediatrician who documented all these things and didn’t do a damn thing about it.
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