Tag: reading

Saturday Blog 44

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Saturday Blog 44

Spent the morning getting my father settled back home. He was discharged today from the hospital. I am sure tomorrow I will be getting a phone call from the visiting nurse to go over everything, again. He is resting now.

I got home and was very hungry. I had a muffin for breakfast with some almond milk. I hadn’t eaten anything else. My damn mother kept on asking me questions and I had to repeat the answers twice because she didn’t hear me the first fucking time. When she asked me her final question, I screamed the answer so now she thinks something is bothering me. Yea, you being deaf!! I feel like Jacob two-two every time I talk to her. It’s just so annoying having to repeat yourself every time I talk to her. I just wasn’t having it today. I was tired and hungry and she was preventing me from making a damn sandwich because I kept having to repeat myself.

I plan on having some ice cream later. I just hope it’s not soup because the freezer is breaking down. My mother still hasn’t bought a fridge yet. I wish she would just order it online but she is so damn stubborn. She has to see it with her eyes and physically touch it to buy the thing.

I am exhausted. I didn’t sleep very well, again, last night. Probably another reason why my temper is short. My back is cramping again. I think I got to restart taking magnesium supplements. I was doing good with taking them but stopped because the cramps went away. Now they are back.

I filled my pill box for the week. Now I don’t have to play hodgepodge. I don’t know what kind of state I will be in tomorrow so decided to do it today. I plan on taking some Neurontin so I can zone out. Nerve pain is being a bitch. Of course, the weather is wrecking havoc on me because it’s fucking cold today and then will be close to 60 degrees tomorrow. A 30 degree difference. My back and ankle just can’t handle that kind of change in one day.

My psychiatrist got back to me last night. She says she hears me about all that I have been going through. She didn’t seem concerned that I wasn’t eating and losing weight. But then, I am on the heavy side so it’s good that I am losing. I just hope I can keep the weight off when the depression disappears and my appetite returns.

Amazon is so weird. I can order stuff that is free shipping and it will take a week to get to me. Other times, I place the order and it’s delivered within a few days. I don’t get their shipping times. But tomorrow, I should be having my new books. I am such a bibliophilic. I still have three books on Kindle that I need to read. Actually, I have more than three that I need to read. I just bought two more Lawrence Block books because they were a steal. Can’t go wrong with either $3 or free. I got his latest book that he has been talking about the past two months. I am so glad I have his blog to keep me up-to-date on his writing ventures. I have so many books to read but unfortunately, I don’t have the inclination to read sometimes so they just sit on my bed for a while before I pick them up again. The latest book I am reading is “Common Struggle”. So far it reads like a speech more than a book. But then, it is written by a politician. I don’t think I am going to get back to Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I am only on the third chapter and haven’t touched it since everything that has been going on with my father.

I have been listening to music more and that has been my zoning out because I listen to the lyrics more than have it as background noise. I think I am losing my touch to multi-tasking. But then, I am disabled so what do I have to multi-task about?

Random 688

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders

Random 688

I woke up after having a weird dream about David Jobes. I dreamt I was following him around some hotel resort, trying to give him a book on back pain for dummies. He had a herniated disc and didn’t want surgery (who does, really?) It was a strange dream because my aunt and uncle were also at this resort where Jobes was. And the weirdest part was that I was talking to him like we were BFFs. I went back to sleep and then dreamt about making bagels. I woke up hungry so made a fried egg. That has been all that I have had today, so far. I am not really hungry anymore. I am wicked tired. My father’s doc called this morning looking for him. He wanted to know why my father hasn’t been back in the office since he has been off his INR. So I called the office telling him where he was and stuff that was wrong with him. I left my number in case he needed more information or wanted to call me. If he does call back, it probably won’t be until this evening.

My therapist had trouble calling me today. For some reason, she got a message saying that the number can’t be reached. I had to laugh because she flipped out. My cell number is the only number she has to get in touch with me. If she has an emergency contact, I don’t remember. She would have to pull my records to get that information and I am not sure she would know where that would be after 15 years of being together.

We spent the majority of the time talking about my father and I didn’t want to. I was so spent after session and wanted a nap but I had to go to Walgreens to get my meds. We also talked about being stressed out. I really don’t feel stressed, just exhausted as the last few days have been a whirlwind. I feel like it should be at least Thursday and it’s only Tuesday. I have been wicked congested today, more so than usual. The post nasal drip is making me nauseous, hence why I haven’t bothered to eat anything. I really just want a bowl of cereal and to call it a day. Except I don’t have cereal so that is going to be difficult.

I wanted to see my therapist in person but because I have been so exhausted, she is happy to do the phone the rest of the week. Tomorrow’s weather is supposed to be freezing rain and I hate driving in rain anyways. I don’t care either way. I can see her next week. I can’t believe it’s March already, or soon to be.

I am not going out today. I only went to Walgreens and that is my only destination. I am just too tired to go anywhere else. I just feel this heaviness on me and I am not sure if it is just physical exhaustion or mental, or both. Tomorrow I get to order my Amazon books. I don’t need anymore but I am just a book collector. One of these days I will sort them out and stack them in some kind of order. Until then, it’s wherever I can find a space for them.

My new Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior journal came today. Nothing interesting, though there is an article written by one of the people I follow on Twitter. I might read that one. I have to finish Night Falls Fast first. I have just a few more pages and then I can move on to my next book, which will be A Common Struggle by Patrick Kennedy and Stephen Fried. I need a nap first and then I can read.

Sunday Blog 9

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Sunday Blog 9

It’s Valentine’s day. It is also my sister’s wedding anniversary. I am babysitting while they go out to eat. My niece will do her thing and I will do mine. I usually end up making her something to eat. She is pre-teen so is growing like a weed. I swear she is inches taller than the last time I see her, and I see her at least every other day.

I am in a do nothing mood. Ankle is still bothering me, of course. I think it’s because of the minus 0 degree temps we are having. I don’t recall my ankle being this sore when I stand or go down stairs before during the winter. The temps are supposed to stay like this for a while. I am glad I don’t have to go out until Wednesday. I might go out Tuesday, if my ankle is feeling better. I really want to start my research for the book that I am writing. I just hope the book that I am using for it has what I need.

I hope I don’t get sleepy. My babysitting wasn’t planned and I took some pain meds before I came down to my sister’s. I had intended to just play on my laptop or read until I felt the need to nap. Now I need to be some what awake. I am still on a coffee buzz so maybe I won’t feel drowsy.

I am glad the cold temps are happening on the weekend and not during the work week. There have been major disruptions on all lines of the public transportation system. What pisses me off is that they had done major “winterization” of the track work and today that line broke. Now they want to hike the fares. I really want to know where my fare money is going into. I don’t think I will ever know but I do know that $10 million dollars of the budget got cut when the new governor got elected. Figures the budget gets cut and then they hike fares. It’s not fair to commuters like me when we see improvements, like new buses and computerized boards that announce when trains and buses will arrive/depart. Where did they get this money to implement these things if there was no money in the budget? I know there is mismanagement. It just isn’t publicized because there would be major outrage. I also know that operation wise, the money is not there where it should be.

I read three chapters today of the new book that I got for free. I thought it was a Scudder series book but it’s not. It’s about this alcoholic who murders prostitutes while in a black out. The writing is very good. I can see where Block (author) used the tools that I read about in the writing book.

When I got up this morning, I had a message from “Facebook” saying that I needed to verify who I was by clicking on the website they provided or my account would be deactivated. I had heard of these scams so I just deleted the message. If FB really intended to check my information, I doubt they would send me a message via messenger. I think they would just lock me out of my account.

Freezing Friday

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders

Freezing Friday

Today was really cold but not as cold as it is going to get this weekend. It didn’t stop me from going out to finish my father’s appointment schedule, though we got a ride in from my sister. Now I just need to make another appointment for the idiot and call it a day. I made a call for physical therapy today. I hope to get a call Tuesday as Monday is a holiday.

As I was waiting for my father to finish his appointment, I was reading Twitter. I got to the news about the hospital and saw my psychiatrist’s name. She was quoted in some UK’s post about child anxiety (my psych is a child psychiatrist; I have seen her since I was 17). I was happy to see her name in my timeline. It was just a one line quote but it still made me happy that someone from the UK sought out her opinion on the matter.

It was really bright outside and I should have worn my sunglasses. Now I think I am coming down with a migraine because I feel really nauseous. It could also be because I have been up since 0530. I am tired. I didn’t have lunch and I am not really hungry. My stomach feels really bloated, which isn’t helping the nausea. I don’t know why I feel like I am a cow right now. I was feeling a little bit like this last night and it just carried over to today. I haven’t eaten anything that would cause this. Unless it’s fricken hormones. I just hope the feeling goes away. It’s very uncomfortable.

Pearl Jam tickets went on sale today at noon. They sold out in 37 minutes. Guess I am not going to the concert. I really would have loved to see them live. I guess I will just have to have my own concert in my room with the music really loud. Then I don’t have to worry about my crowd anxiety. I don’t know when I started feeling anxious in crowds. It’s gotten worse over the years so I tend to avoid them as much as possible.

I found my “Night Falls Fast” book. It’s a well worn copy as I have read it several times. I find reading about suicide helps the demons sometimes. I love Kay Redfield Jamison. She is a good writer though most of her books except her memoir are the same. There is pattern that I noticed when I went from “Touched with Fire” to “Night Falls Fast”. She loves to quote, a lot. There is text and then quotes. Throughout the whole book. And she loves to quote from Byron. I think all her books have some Byron poems in them. In “Touched with Fire”, there is a whole chapter on him. I wish I could write like that. If I do quote, it’s mostly going to be lyrics to some country song.

I was sad this morning to find out that the morning country music show people made their exit from the radio station. I don’t know why. I never was up early enough to listen to them but when I was, they were funny and made the time pass faster. I just hope they don’t get rid of my favorite DJ, Kruser. She is the last of the Mohicans, meaning she is the remaining original staff when the radio formed in the beginning. I fell in love with her. She is so cute and an absolute sweetheart. I have tweeted her a few times and actually got a response back. She is cool.

Next week, I am going to try writing my 850 word essays for my book. I’m also going to try and find the psychology book this weekend so I can “study” when I go to Starbucks.