Day 2 of TS

Day 2 of TS

I am on day 2 of listening to 1989 by Taylor Swift. I can’t stop listening to it. The songs are so good. There isn’t a song I don’t like. And with the song/hit “Shake it off” I can’t stop moving when I am listening to it. I have to bob my head or just dance in my seat. I am really enjoying this album. It might become my favorite.

Last night, I got really depressed. Not suicidally depressed, but enough that made wonder if life was worth living. I don’t know what got me into the funk, probably the sun going down because it happened around that time and the mood got worse as the night wore on. I haven’t sleep more than 3 hours today. I went to sleep at 1 and woke up at 4. Tried to go back to sleep at 6 but couldn’t really get a good rest. I gave up around 10 as I got hungry. I finished off the rest of my Chinese food. Then my sister offered me peppers and sausages so I had some of that. I am planning on ordering a pizza later for dinner. With fries because I haven’t had them in a long time. My niece and I will devour them, I am sure. I still have to go to Walgreens and pick up my prescriptions. I think I will do that before I pick up the little one. She is still sick and I am weary of being around her because I really don’t want to get sick. I haven’t decided if I am going to get half cheese and half pepperoni or just get half pizza and then a steak and cheese. I am on the fence. Guess I will decide later. I am not hungry right now so I can’t say what I want.

My legs are hurting me for some reason today. Every time I stand on them, they feel like they are going to give out on me. Weird. So far they haven’t and I hope that continues. It will suck to fall.

I tried to write with my mood being dark last night but being tired interfered with good writing. I think I just wrote a page in my book because I was obsessing over 1989. I had to see if I got the digital booklet on my phone (I didn’t) so had to use the computer to download it. I got all the lyrics to the songs, which would save me a bunch of Google searches. In my search I found an article by Edwin Shneidman about commonalities on a good death. It is a really interesting article but for some reason I read the first paragraph and then I keep getting distracted. Since his death, I have been having trouble reading his stuff. I miss him. I wish we could have had a conversation about psychache and constriction and lethality. It would have been awesome to pick his brain. But my last conversation with him, he was cranky so I never bothered him again. Then he died a month later. I guess I am still devastated by his death. I knew it was coming as he was having major health problems. I just have to move on and be able to read his material. I know I won’t be sorry reading it as I always learn something from it, even if it is my second or third time reading it.

I am still waiting to hear back from my father’s doctor and my doctor. I am so annoyed I haven’t heard anything. I got to call my father soon and tell him he has an appointment on Monday and maybe that will settle his anxiety some. I will have to explain to him that he has to go to this appointment because it for his pre operation stuff. Without this, he cannot have surgery. He is scheduled for three weeks, though I am trying to move it up the best I can. I am hoping that when the doc sees him on Monday he can do something for my father.

I have not written anything today other than this blog. I am too tired to come up with something. I was hoping to come up with something last night as I had the itch to write but nothing came of it. I got sucked in TS world and that was it.

My mother is making cookies. I hope they are something good.

Lucky Friday 13th: Taylor’s Birthday

Lucky Friday 13th: Taylor’s Birthday

Today is Taylor Swift’s birthday. In her honor I have been playing all her music that I own. She was born 24 years ago and 13 is her favorite number. How fitting that her favorite number is also the day number she was born on. I was thirteen when she was born. My favorite number is also the day of my birth, twenty-three. So we have some things in common, though I will never be able to tell her these things.

My favorite songs of hers are Love Story, Fearless, Hey Stephen, Story of Us, Red, Begin Again, Invisible, and Tied Together with a Smile. I think that is a song from each of her albums. If you are a Taylor fan, you can correct me on this.

My day has been ok. I woke up in pain but was able to get my latte and a crappy doughnut from Starbucks. Their doughnuts are usually good but today I got one that wasn’t so good. I have a funny story, as I brought in my own mug today. One of the girls didn’t know what size it was, even though it was clearly written on the bottom of the Starbucks mug. She was knew and said to the other girl that she has never seen the mug before. I have had this mug for the last few years. It looks like a Starbucks cup and they don’t make those kind anymore. I really thought it was funny.

I lost two blog followers. Oh well. I will get a few more and then some. I am past 500 so I am happy it happened before the end of the year.

I gave my therapist an ultimatum yesterday. She just pissed me off because she scheduled me into an appointment without my permission. I told her that I don’t want to see her next week, at all and that I won’t text her while she is on vacation. If she does call me anyway, I won’t answer the phone. I feel that I need a break from her. I know she will be away for the two weeks for Christmas/New Year’s but I rarely ask for time off. I also feel like she is the only one that can ask for time off and I can’t. I don’t think that is fair. I am just asking for a week off. Nothing more. Then I can see her on whatever Thursday she is back in the office.

I sent yesterday’s blog post to my doctors. Surprisingly, I have not received a response. I would have sent it to my PCP but he doesn’t like email and the last time I sent him a message through his office, it backfired horribly on me. The message was misconstrued and the meaning devalued. So I will never send another blog to my PCP, unless I print it out and hand it to him. But he doesn’t seem to care for my writing so why bother.

Today I was at Starbucks and it felt strange being there with just my journal. Usually I have a pad of paper, a book, and my editing. Now that the editing is done, I am no longer carrying that around. I used another backpack today so I could hold the mug so it didn’t have a book or pad of paper. Strange feeling. And now that I am done with editing, I don’t know what to do with my time. I could work on my second book but I want to take some time off from writing for a bit. NO, I am not taking time off my blog. Please comment if you would want me to though!

Taylor crazy…

My sister texted me tonight saying that my seven year old niece started getting upset because she called Taylor Swift’s dress ugly. Then her father said something else and she got more upset. After last night’s Entertainer of the Year award got handed to the wrong person, I have to agree. I was fricken so pissed that Miranda Lambert got picked over Taylor and Blake got picked over Jason Aldean. I mean come ON. Blake hasn’t even been on tour!! I am so disgusted that I don’t think I will watch another CMA awards show. They should just rename it the couple award as Miranda and Blake have won more awards together since they got married than any other individual singer and Miranda does not sing any good songs. The one good song was written by her husband and both of them were up on the stage for the first award. I should have known it was downhill from then on. Sure enough, when ever Blake or Miranda was nominated they won. I am sure if both were ever in the same category, I am sure there would be a tie and both would win. UGH. I just hate her because she married him.
Since the end of the Miranda and Blake awards show, I have been listening to Red, Taylor’s new CD. At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me. My new favorite song of hers is Last Time. I haven’t quite figured out why this song touches me so yet but I am sure when I do I will blog about it.
Been drinking gin tonight. I haven’t had Beefeater Gin since I was a teenager. I really missed the taste. I don’t know why I went back to drinking but I have missed it. I don’t usually drink because I know the effects are not particularly good when mixed with the kind of meds that I am on but tonight I just wanted a few sips.
I has been really boring since the end of baseball. I am kind of really sad that I have nothing to watch on Tv other than my regular shows. Even those I have to force myself to watch. I just don’t have interest in watching more than one program. Tonight I watched the rest of CSI and then called it a night. I have been itching to write but this is all that I have come up with…
Oh and if you didn’t already know, I love TAYLOR SWIFT…