Everything is Pissing Me Off

Everything is pissing me off

I have been on a tight cooker all day with the MRI. And now the pressure has finally been ticked off. I didn’t have contrast like I was supposed to. I don’t know why this is. I will find out Friday when I get the report. I will call the doc’s office tomorrow to get results, if they have them, but I want the report in my hand and to see the films with my own eyes.

I get another thing from Medicare enrolling me in a prescription drug plan. I don’t need one as I already have one through my disability from work. Why should I pay more for it? I got annoyed because I was on the phone for at least fifteen minutes for them to tell me again and again that I was disenrolled. It was like a damn recording but with a live person. ARGH!! Just do what you have to do and be done with it, dammit! Now I have to call the company they enrolled me in to unenroll in the plan. I am pissed. It didn’t say this on the paperwork, otherwise I would have called them in the first fucking place.

I am back to listening to Eric Church. I need some music that will calm me down. I took 900 mg of Neurontin. I really wanted to take that much in Ativan but I think that amount would be a) dangerous and b) I don’t think I have that much. Voices are winning tonight. Or maybe it’s just my impulsiveness and my aggravation to do something because I want to yell at someone right now and I don’t know who to yell at.

The MRI was weird. I have never, in 15 years, got wicked hot while the machine was running. I literally thought I was going to catch fire or something. And then when the tech said I didn’t need contrast, I knew something was up. Either the doc’s orders got messed up or my back is so messed up that they can see the damage without the contrast. I am more of a nervous wreck now than I was before. I swear if I wasn’t seeing/talking with my therapist tomorrow, I would seriously take the bottle of Neurontin. I have to see my father tomorrow so that is kind of stopping me too. I really don’t want to see him because I am afraid he didn’t take his pills like he was supposed to. And that is my fault because I didn’t explain it clearly. I just assumed he would have a clue but you know what happens when you assume. I can kick myself for this. I’m also pissed because I filled his pills on Tuesday instead of Thursday. I will have to fill his new pill thing because I am not changing my routine for him. No fucking way. Tuesdays and Wednesdays are days when I go to Starbucks for my time. I am not going to change that for this arrogant bastard that doesn’t fucking give a damn except for himself.

I made a phone call today to find out why I couldn’t have access to my account online and found out I was blocked. Now I have to go to the office with my ID to clear it up. Fuck. The office is a pain in the ass to get to. I will have to take the Zipcar one day, if I can’t get the paperwork I need over the phone tomorrow by calling the office directly. I hope it works or I am fucking screwed.

To top my day off, I got a call from a scam artist saying that I have to call this 866 number or I will be taken to court and a lawsuit will be filed against me. They didn’t tell me what company they were calling from, who the people were that I was supposed to call. For all I know this company is Aruba and they just want to siphon money from my cellphone account. I looked up the number and it’s from some place in Texas. So let them take me to court. I am tired of playing games. I haven’t received anything in the mail in months saying that I need to call someone ASAP to avoid a court date and my address hasn’t changed in more than 10 years so fuck you and your 48 hours.

When I came home from the hospital, I was pretty dizzy. I guess the pain meds and an empty stomach will do that. Plus I was sweating like a pig. It was freezing out but I was just so damn hot. I had to change my T-shirt because it was soaked with sweat. Now I am in my room, all changed and I am freezing. Go figure that one out. I want pizza. I think I will get some tomorrow.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Everything is Pissing Me Off

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    you sound so angry in this post. with good reasons. just one of those things would have set me off like a rocket. you have had more than your share to deal with. XX

  2. Gotcha. Too much of that shit just makes me sick.

    Have you tried Gralise, the long acting form? 1200 mg once a day. It’s a build-up, and I got to 600 mg and started stumbling around seeing double and falling down stairs. But it worked great…too bad…

  3. Sounds like a rough day. Sorry to hear that. I know that feeling when everything pisses you off. Going through that myself right now.

  4. I know it won’t kill me. It’s my go to holiday drug, if you know what I mean. Sucks I got to wait till Friday to get my films

  5. You really had a terrible day. But, you made it through, and now you are craving pizza something wicked. I hope tomorrow is better…I hope your MRI doesn’t suck any worse than it did the last time. That sounds weird, but my own MRI is coming up, and with the way the rest of my arthritis is galloping along, I’m not much optimistic. But you never know.

    Neurontin will not kill you. You’d fall asleep before you finished the bottle, and then you’d wake up with the headache from hell.

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