Allergies and other boring things
Since I woke up this morning, I have been sneezing my head off. No matter where I go in the house, I sneeze. My eyes have been watering like a hose has been turned on. I just put antihistamine eye drops in and they feel a little bit better. I also have been taking diphenhydramine all day. It’s been helping a little bit. Least the runny nose has stopped. I feel okay despite all this so I don’t think I am coming down with a cold.
The house is hotter than hell. I don’t know how my mother can stand it. I am worried about her because the last time it was this hot her sugar dropped. I am keeping an ear out but it’s kind of difficult with the AC running.
I haven’t heard back from my psychiatrist so I guess what I wrote was acceptable. I was nervous I was going to get a phone call after I sent it but I didn’t. I hope she liked the blog I sent her. I haven’t responded to my friend about the email she sent. I really don’t know what to say to her. Sometimes I don’t respond because there isn’t anything that needs responding to. I do give her encouragement when it is needed. I just wish I could write my book like she is writing hers. So far my book is about my psychotic episodes and how I deal with it with my medication. My first story is about darkness. I need to edit it some more because there isn’t some things that I like in it. But it’s hard to delete stuff when you are looking for a high word count.
Some of the stuff in my book, I posted on my blog. I was hoping to try it out on my readers to see if they liked it or not. Unfortunately, I don’t have many readers every day so I don’t get responses like I used to. This is mostly wordpress readers not internet. I think I get more internet traffic than WP, which is okay. As long as my blog gets read, I really don’t care who is reading it. I had a reader from Guam but haven’t seen him/her in a while.
My first book hasn’t sold too well. It went for around 100 copies, not including the books I sent out to potential reviewers that still hasn’t returned one review. I am upset about that. I think they were just interested in a free signed book.
So while I am trying to think of stories to write, I have been reading like crazy, well as crazy as the depression and psychosis will take me. For a while, I didn’t do any reading because my depression was so bad and my father was so ill. I remember reading a blog the other night that detailed how angry I was that he wasn’t taking care of himself. I gave him a year to live, less than that if he didn’t do what his doctors were telling him. He died a few months later. I still can’t believe how quickly he deteriorated. Less than twenty days in the nursing home. We did bring him home because that was his last request before he became non communicative. He just became a shell of a man. It was heartbreaking to see, even though I had a lot of resentment towards him. Anger as well. Actually, a whole lot of negative feelings toward him, even in his last hour. I had taken a picture of him while he was lying in the casket. He looked like he had a smirk on his face. That is how I wish to remember him rather than how he looked on his death bed. He died peacefully, in his bed, not at the nursing home. It took some doing because otherwise we would be paying a huge ambulance bill. I am grateful the nursing home doctor wrote that it was medically necessary for transport. I won’t forget that.
I hope I don’t have to see my mother die that way, frail and thin, almost skin and bone. She has gained weight over the years, which hasn’t helped her health much. But as long as she is eating and drinking, I know she is okay. My biggest fear is that she will get cancer of some sort because she was a heavy smoker. Thankfully, her chest CT was clear during her last admission.
Because I took Benedryl tonight, I skipped my Ativan dose. I also took some magnesium supplements for the spasms that I had in my back today. Every time I stood for longer than 5 minutes, I became hunched over and my seized up. It was awful. I helped my mother empty the dishwasher and it took me longer because I had to keep sitting down to ease the spasms. I haven’t done anything in two days so I have no idea why my back hurts. I hope it’s not because of the humidity because summer just started and I don’t want to be house bound. I have to go out tomorrow for my appointment or I will be charged a $75 no show fee.
My Sox are winning tonight. I checked the score on my phone and when I went back to the internet, it said my phone had a virus on it. So weird because I didn’t have the thing open while I was using it. I just closed the browser and opened a new one. Pissed me off though because I just had a system update that was supposed to fix the “security” of the phone. Yeah, right. And my last name is sucker.